Small Minds In A Vast Universe
by Renee the Rabid Squirrel
Summary: *Complete!*Professional bounty hunter Yajirobe must travel to Earth to kidnap the fry-pan princess. With a rival bounty hunter, a fortune teller, and two newlywed men getting in the way (not to mention the rebels), this won't be an easy mission.
1. The Summoning

A/N: Hey people! I read a bunch of stories containing bounty hunters, and so I figured...why not  
do my own? Of course, all the ones I read were serious. This one...well...if you read the  
summary, you'd understand completely. Enjoy! Reviews are highly welcome and  
appreciated. Also, DO NOT READ if you find Vegeta and Krillin as a couple offensive, or if any  
other weird and strange pairings make you queasy, or if you don't like weirdness period. As for  
OOCness, this is humour, there's a TON of OOCness here.   
  
Disclaimer: Me no own DBZ.  
  
Small Minds In A Vast Universe  
  
Summary: The tyrannic empress Bulma has hired professional bounty hunters Yajirobe, Goku  
and Maron to kidnap the fry-pan-princess who lives on a far-away planet called Earth. With   
fortune-teller femme 18 and newlywed strippers Vegeta and Krillin tagging along, as well as a  
host of others getting in the way, the search for the princess will not be your average bounty  
hunter story.  
  
His long, black hair swept behind him like a proud victory flag. He was costumed in colours so  
deadly, so vile, so...ORANGE. His swagger showed he was a proud man, a determined man, a  
fat man. He was in it for the money and that was it, besides food of course. This, my friends, is  
Yajirobe, the most feared bounty hunter in the universe, and today, he was summoned to the  
palace of...  
  
THE UNDERWEAR EMPRESS!!!  
  
You see, the empress, her name was Bulma, had a slight problem. Her cook had just died of a  
heart attack, and Bulma was having a very hard time cooking for herself. In fact, the blue-haired  
tyranness was beside herself in anger after blowing her kitchen to smithereens. You could not,  
however, call her Bulma. Her proper title was...  
  
THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM.  
  
This was how she wished to be addressed. If one did not say her proper title, they were sent to  
the dungeons of her castle, where they were made to watch "Cooking With Babadi and Buu"  
videos over and over and over until they went insane. Enough of that though.  
  
Yajirobe strolled into the throne room of THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS  
BLOOM and kneeled, his fat covering the short, stubby legs with which his body weight lie. The  
beauteous yet evil empress waited impatiently for him to speak.  
  
"ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM, I have been summoned by thou for a  
purpose which I have not yet been informed, but I do understand that there is a cash reward."  
  
"Yes, oh mightily fat bounty hunter, there is enough cash to buy food to keep you happy for..."  
  
Bulma took a glance at Yajirobe's girth.  
  
"About three days. But the details shall not be revealed until the others arrive."  
  
"Others?"  
  
"Yes, the other bounty hunters. Whichever one of you completes the task first shall receive the  
money."  
  
"How much?"  
  
"That also cannot be said until the others arrive."  
  
Suddenly, as if right on cue, a handsome man with streamlined muscles and a blood red gi  
entered the room. His hair shot out in every direction imaginable, and his eyes were so black  
that you could see no reflection in him. Around his waist, a chocolate brown tail was wrapped.  
Following the man was what seemed a young girl of about the same age. Both were in their  
twenties, while Yajirobe was in his 37th year of life. The girl had powder blue hair, close to the  
empress's. Her eyes were blue and she wore a simple yellow tee with beige capris.  
  
"Hey there sexy empress! What job do you have for me to do?"  
  
"Nothing to do with me Goku, and may I REMIND you that improper use of my name results in  
confinement with the videos...surely you don't want that."  
  
The once confident man in red paled and shook his head slowly. He did, however, have one  
question.  
  
"What's your real name anyways?"  
  
"It's a secret, and only my beloved can call me that."  
  
Yajirobe was too busy staring at the female bounty hunter to pay attention to Bulma.  
  
"Hey! Fatso! Keep your eyes off of Maron and keep your ears tuned to me, unless you want to  
spend time in the prisons."  
  
"Yes, your evilness. Sorry, I was distracted by my rival's obvious beauty."  
  
The one called Maron giggled and blushed slightly. She was new at this whole bounty hunting  
thing. For the first few years of her life, she was an absolute ditzy boy-crazy shopper. Now, she  
was still a ditzy boy-crazy shopper, but the men had stopped buying her things once they figured  
out how many men she went out with at a time. In order to get some cash to go shopping, she  
applied for the job. Her vileness the ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM hired her merely  
because she couldn't wait for the idiot to get killed by the other bounty hunters.  
"Now then, you are all here and I shall reveal your task. The lucky one to complete it shall  
receive a reward of..."  
  
A curtain is pulled back to reveal a vast room full of gold pieces, as well as every kind of  
precious gem imaginable. Yajirobe's eyes went wide with greed, Goku gave an evil smirk and  
rubbed his hands together, and Maron stared in dumbstruck awe.  
  
"Wow...look at the pretty colours..."  
  
"Glad to see you're so excited Maron. This room comes equipped with a leather chair!"  
  
Out of nowhere, Radditz came in dressed in a pale blue nightie and sat on the leather chair in  
the middle of the room. He smiled with pearly while teeth and crossed his legs. Everyone but  
Bulma and Maron shuddered in disgust.  
  
"You've got your own 'Price Is Right' thing going on here, don't you?"  
  
"Very observant, Goku. I would have liked to get Bardock as my model, but I have a budget to  
follow."  
  
"My father?"  
  
"Oh, that's right...you didn't hear of his debut in Victoria's Secret."  
  
"...I didn't need to know that."  
  
Yajirobe scoffed at the mention of 'budget'. This woman had no idea what a budget was if one  
of them was to carry away all those riches.  
  
"ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM, I have a question for you."  
  
"Well Goku, the answer is already no."  
  
"You don't even know what my question is!"  
  
"It's still no!"  
  
"So you WILL sleep with me eventually?"  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
"Who is your lover, by the way?"  
  
"You could never compete against him, he's so much better than you, saiyajin bounty hunter."  
  
"Show him to me!"  
  
"Fine. Lovebug, would you come out here and meet some guests of mine?"  
  
All three bounty hunters' faces dropped to the floor as none other than Dabura stepped out of the  
shadows. Could it really be true? The evil ruler of the underworld and the sinister diva ruling a  
good part of the upper universe be lovers? If so, things weren't looking good for the good guys.   
Who are the good guys anyways? Well, you'll meet them later. Anyhow, Dabura made his way  
over to Bulma's side, and the two proceeded to make out.  
  
"I hate to interrupt your little fun, but what are we supposed to do to get this dough?"  
  
What happens next? You'll have to wait 'till next time! Please review and hope you liked it! 


	2. Departure

A/N: Well well well...I have ONE review so far, thanks Jessica! I'm really hoping for a few more this time, it's not too much to ask for, is it? Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
  
THE ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM took her lips of off Dabura's and pursed them  
together in agitation.  
  
"Fat man, you are lucky I have heard of your great reputation as a bounty hunter, otherwise I  
would have you killed. I suppose I have kept you all in suspense long enough. The job I require  
you to do is as follows. Go to Earth, located in the Milky Way galaxy, and bring back the fry-  
pan- princess."  
  
"That's a long ways away. I'm gonna need lots of makeup for this trip, maybe there's some cute  
guys on Earth!"  
  
The empress rolled her eyeballs at Maron's stupidness and then spoke once more.  
  
"Whoever brings her back, gets the gold. Good luck to you all. Come Dabura, let us enter my  
chambers and make passionate love."  
  
"Absolutely my Bulma-Chan."  
  
The diabolically devilish lovers left the three bounty hunters staring in silence. Goku had a  
frown permanently etched onto his face.  
  
"Not only can he call her Bulma, but he can use CHAN as WELL?? What kind of a name is  
Bulma?"  
  
"Hey man, don't be so down. There's some real babes on Earth from what I've heard, and lots  
of pastries..."  
  
"You must be the one they call Yajirobe. I suppose you know who I am now that Bulma's done  
shrieking at me."  
  
"Yup. And that girl is Maron, right?"  
  
"Yeah...she's no contest to me. But you...had better watch yourself. I have never been defeated  
in my attempts to bounty hunt before, nor shall I now."  
  
"What the heck is with everyone using big words and talking flowery? Jeez, I'm outta here.   
Gotta go get that fry-pan-princess...I heard she makes a mean lasagna."  
  
Yajirobe waddled out of the throne room, followed by a determined, sexy Goku and a Barbie-  
like Maron.  
  
Approaching his pod, Yajirobe deliberately dropped his long sword near Maron, brushing her leg  
as he went to pick it up.  
  
"Hey, can you help me? I'm kinda new at this..." Maron bit her nail and gave a small smile.  
  
"I guess...new at what?"  
  
"This whole bounty hunting thingy...it's just so totally weird. I've never had to actually work for  
money before, it's awful. And to think that people do it every day...who's the fry-pan-princess?"  
  
Yajirobe sweat dropped and fell flat on his rear.   
  
"You mean you don't know who the fry-pan-princess is? Man, you don't get out much. The fry-  
pan-princess lives with her father, the Ox King. Her mother died years ago. She cooks like it  
was food from the gods above. Her father won't let her marry anyone, and she's also a martial  
artist. She's known all around the universe. Whenever people come to ask her hand in  
marriage, if she doesn't kill them, her father does. Legend has it that a terrible monster also  
lurks outside their home."  
  
"Whoa... sounds kinda freaky to me. But I can do it! Are you going to get up of the ground...?"  
  
"Um, yeah...I will...in a moment."  
  
Yajirobe struggled to move his lard so he could get up. It took him a full five minutes, and by  
that time, the other bounty hunters had already left.  
  
"Aw nuts! They've got a head start! I'm not gonna let some pretty boy and some airhead babe  
beat me!"  
  
Yajirobe plopped himself into his pod and set a course for Earth. The launching sequence went  
by, and soon the large man was careening through the universe just as he should be.  
  
Meanwhile, in Maron's ship...  
  
"Ooh, look at all the pretty buttons! There's a green one, and a red one, and a yellow one, and  
an orange one, and a blue one! Wow! I never knew space travel was so fun!"  
  
Maron giggled and leaned back in her chair. Who knew what other exciting things she'd find on  
the way to Earth?  
  
"Maybe, if that Yajirobe guy gets the princess, I can seduce that Goku in the red. Mmm, he's  
like, sooo mint! I want him so bad! We should TOTALLY be together!"  
  
Maron let her mind process that thought for a while, then her eyes focussed on a large, bright  
silver button that said in big purple letters...  
  
SELF -- DESTRUCT.  
  
"I wonder what this button does..."  
  
BOOOOOOM!!!!  
  
The ship and Maron blew into smithereens, much to Goku's pleasure.  
  
"I don't even have to shoot her down, she did it herself! Now, as for that incredibly obese  
pumpkin..."  
  
Goku turned his wonderfully perfect masculine features to the radar screen in front of him.  
  
"Well, well, well. Had a late start, did we lard bucket? You're a good five minutes behind me, I  
suppose I can wait until you catch up."  
  
Goku put in the commands to bring his D-43 Omega to a standstill.  
  
"Once you do come, however..."   
  
Goku put his hands eagerly on the joystick that controlled all his weaponry.  
  
"It's lights out for you."  
  
Yajirobe sped through space like a dog after a biscuit, wondering why the heck Goku had  
stopped in mid-travel.   
  
"This guy is whacked. Works for me, I can shoot past him and get to the fry-pan-princess."  
  
Yajirobe gave a happy chortle and switched the gears to light speed. With a burst of energy, the  
pod flew past Goku's fancy D-43 Omega like it was a turtle.  
  
"What?? How could that dinky contraption get such speed? Arrgh! It seems I underestimated  
his small mind. Well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. In his case..."  
  
Goku gave a psychotic laugh worthy of...well...nobody had a more psychotic laugh than Goku.   
He turned up the speed and rocketed towards Yajirobe's pod, hand on the weapons control and  
an evil smile on his oh-so-handsome face.  
  
There it is! More to come soon, please review and let me know what you think. Even if it's a flame, at  
least I know people are reading my stories. By the way, if you do flame me, I will be sure to  
respond. Also, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I have learnt SO much from good  
criticism, so if you have suggestions for my improvement, fire away. Of course, if you want to  
go on and sing praises about how fabulous this story is, that's perfectly fine as well. Enjoy your  
summer everybody!  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! 


	3. The Rebellion

A/N: I really like writing this story, so I'll just keep on writing some more chapters while I'm  
inspired...hey, I've got the whole summer ahead of me! Remember that any review is a good review. Thanks for the reviews I've got so far, and Rez, you never know, I may have use for one of those sayings, I just might. Have fun reading!  
  
!!!IMPORTANT!!!  
There will be no more updates on this story or any other until after August 18, due to my trip to my cottage and a wedding in winnipeg. I'll start posting as soon as I'm able.  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own DBZ.  
  
At the end of our last chapter, Yajirobe had rocketed ahead of Goku, who is now going at  
breakneck speed to catch up to him. Maron had blown herself up earlier. Shall we continue the  
madness? I think so!  
  
Yajirobe hummed a simple tune while speeding in the direction of Earth.  
  
"This job is gonna be a piece of cake...man, I bet the fry-pan-princess makes a really good  
cheesecake. I'm hungry, maybe I should have a snack."  
  
Yajirobe opened a small door to reveal a large compartment stuffed with food. He took out a  
package marked 'instant hamburger'. Opening it proved to be easy, and afterwards a hamburger  
seemed to inflate from out of nowhere. Not one to question where good food comes from,  
Yajirobe opened his mouth wide to take a chomp...  
  
VVEEEEEEEEER....BOOOM!  
  
Yajirobe's space pod shook from the impact of the bright yellow blast that seemed to trickle off  
the sides afterwards.  
  
"What the heck? Crap, must be that Goku guy. He's tryin' to hit me! Well, he won't be in such  
a nice position for AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"  
  
Yajirobe's spacecraft received an electric shock which fried all the controls, causing the pod to  
descend wildy out of control onto a planet called Frieza...  
  
Goku gazed out the window of his D-43 Omega and smirked. The fat fool was out of his way  
now. If he survived the shock, which was quite unlikely, the fall would kill him.  
  
"Unless, of course, his fat saved him. Then again, he'd have to deal with the rebellion on planet  
Frieza...the people there don't like Bulma...and they HATE bounty hunters. For Yajirobe's sake,  
he had better hope he dies by the impact...I've heard those rebels are quite the odd ones...why  
am I talking to myself? Maybe I just need to get with Bulma...that would solve all my problems.   
First things first, gotta go find myself a fry-pan-princess."  
  
Goku smiled to himself, sipped a martini that came from thin air, then continued his journey to  
Earth.  
  
On planet Frieza...  
"What do you think it is, Cell?"  
  
"I don't know, Frieza. What do you think, Tien?"  
  
"It looks like a big basketball to me...what are your thoughts on the matter, Videl?"  
  
"Maybe it's an giant pumpkin."  
  
"We don't have pumpkins on this planet. This planet is filled with ice cubes, like my great-  
grandfather wished it to be."  
  
Frieza went off on a tangent about how his ancestors came to him in a dream and told him of the  
vast fortune he would make if he sold thousands of ice cubes and resisted the evils of THE ALL  
POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM. The others had heard the story a thousand times, and were  
getting quite bored with their leader's tale. They were...the rebels. The four of them fought  
tirelessly against the empress, but were usually thwarted in their attempts to bring peace to the  
universe. They had a few agents working undercover for them, and they hoped this would bring  
about some good. With the arrival of a large, orange...thing with black stripes before them,  
things were about to change drastically. Without warning, the thing started to twitch.  
  
"It's alive!!!"  
  
"Cell, shut up. Just, shut up okay?"  
  
"You don't have to take your PMS out on me, Videl."  
  
A groggy Yajirobe slowly opened his eyes, only to shut them tightly in horror. He dared himself  
to open them again...to see the exact same sight. There in front of him stood a three-eyed man in  
a short, velvet green dress with fishnet tights, as well as a creature that resembled some kind of  
insect who had a flower wreath and control top pantyhose on. Beside them were two others: one  
was a girl with her hair in pigtails, she would have been normal except for the insanely huge  
dress she was sporting. It was fluorescent yellow and made Yajirobe squint even more than  
usual. Last, was a white and purple ice-jin wearing a long indigo cocktail dress, and extremely  
large sapphire earrings. He was the leader. Yes, I said HE was the leader. These were the  
people Yajirobe most feared, they...were the rebellion.  
  
"All of you were wrong, it's a man. At least...I think it's a man."  
  
Frieza pondered over whether or not Yajirobe was a man for 2 seconds before deciding it didn't  
matter, it was ugly anyways. Frieza suddenly formed a ki disc, capable of cutting Yajirobe right  
in half.  
  
"All right, pumpkin man, tell us who you are and what your business is... or this disc here will be  
used to perform some extreme liposuction."  
  
"Yo, everybody just chill. I got shot down by this bounty hunter-"  
  
"You poor thing! Would you like some tea? A biscuit or two?" exclaimed Videl.  
  
"How about three? Or five?"  
  
"Whatever you'd like."  
  
"SCORE!"  
  
"Videl!"  
  
"What, oh fearful leader?"  
  
"I'm not done my interrogation yet!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Frieza turned his back, and Videl promptly gave him the finger.  
  
"So you didn't mean to come here...where were you going?"  
  
"Earth."  
  
"For what purpose?"  
  
"They're the only planet that makes persians." Yajirobe desperately hoped that the rebels would  
believe his white lie.   
  
"Hmm. All right then. As long as you are not in league with the empress..."  
  
"Nah, couldn't be bothered."  
  
"Cell, go get some tea and biscuits, would you?"  
  
"Of course darling. Are these pantyhose working? I swear, I still feel fat."  
  
"Honey, you look beautiful."  
  
Cell skipped into another room with a huge smile written all over his face. Yajirobe looked as if  
he was about to throw up, and Tien was putting on lipstick while looking in a nearby mirror.  
  
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sexiest of them all?"  
  
"Tien, you're freaking the guest out."  
  
"Come on Videl, it's not like you're any more normal then us."  
  
"...shut up."  
  
That's all for now! I hope you laughed your heart out. Reviews would be wonderful, just wonderful. Bye and have a great summer! 


	4. The Birthday Present

Ooooh! Lookie, I'm back! Did you all miss me? You better have...just kidding. Oh, and Rez, I would be honoured to join your group, although I can't remember all the initials for the acronym off the top of my head at this point. Anyhow, enjoy this chapter!  
  
I don't own dragonballz  
  
Yajirobe's eyes darted around nervously. The sooner he got off this planet, the better. If he  
didn't, he might end up wearing a push up bra or something equally horrible. Although, a  
brassier of some sort would help the bouncing of his chest when he ran...but Yajirobe would  
admit this problem to no one. Cell was soon back with a pot of tea and a large crate of biscuits,  
which the fat man eyed hungrily.  
  
"May I?"  
  
"Go right ahead."   
  
No sooner than Tien had finished his sentence, Yajirobe dove straight into the crate of cookies.   
Once he was done eating, however, he got stuck.  
  
"A little help here...please?"  
  
It took a half an hour of all four rebels pulling on Yajirobe's stubby fat legs to get him out of the  
crate.  
  
"Thanks. Hey, you guys wouldn't happen to have a ship handy, would you?"  
  
"There's one made of ice cubes!"  
  
"Frieza, you're the only one who can survive in that ship."  
  
"Be quiet Tien. Let's see...oh! There's a F-89 Velo that's used, but runs like a dream. You can  
use that."  
  
"Thanks. Where is it?"  
  
"Cell will lead you to it, won't you my dear?"  
  
"Absolutely Frieza."  
  
The insectoid alien lead the way for Yajirobe, who was having trouble keeping up with Cell.   
After sweating buckets over one flight of stairs, Yajirobe was stopped by Cell in front of a beat-  
up looking craft.  
  
"Are you sure this thing can run?"  
  
"Oh absolutely, but it eats fuel away really fast. You'll have to gas up a couple times."  
  
"Oh swell, like I didn't have enough things to worry about. Can I launch from here?"  
  
"Go for it."  
  
Yajirobe quickly...well, maybe not quickly in his case, more like he was suffering from lethargy,  
made his way inside the F-89 Velo.  
  
"Time to see if this baby works."  
  
Yajirobe punched in the co-ordinates, started the launch sequence, and before he knew it, he was  
through the atmosphere and away from the planet Frieza.  
  
"Thank God...if I had to stay any longer with those transsexual rebels, I would have gone  
insane."  
  
A small, yawning sound could be heard from the back of the ship. Yajirobe, being the coward  
that he was, strapped himself to the pilot's chair and whimpered like a lost lamb.  
  
"Maybe I am insane...there couldn't possibly be anyone else on here...could there?"  
  
Yajirobe trembled in his seat as the F-89 Velo continued to speed through space. Meanwhile...  
  
"He put a hole in the dome! Cell! Why didn't you watch him more carefully?"  
  
"I'm sorry Frieza love, he took off too fast!"  
  
"There, there, it's not your fault. Oh no!" Frieza collapsed on the ground and cried, his tears  
turning to ice cubes as they fell. Videl and Tien came running at top speed. Tien, who had just  
acquired a new pair of high heels, was having trouble with them and fell flat on his face. Videl  
ran past him and went to console Frieza.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Videl, do you remember the birthday present I got from Dr. Gero?"  
  
"Sure, what about it?"  
  
"IT WAS ON THAT SHIP!!!!" Frieza's tears quickly turned to sobs of sorrow, his only birthday  
present that year had been taken away from him. Tien picked himself up off the ground and  
went to try and help.  
  
"How about we go shopping for feather boas?"  
  
Frieza's face lit up at Tien's suggestion, then dragged the 3-eyed being with him for a long, long  
shopping spree, leaving Videl and Cell to fix the damage. Yes, sadly, these...are the good guys.   
But enough of them, let's go back to the palace...  
  
THE ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM sat on her throne, giggling insanely at what had  
transpired on the video screen. You see, she had taped Maron's demise, and was watching it  
over and over and over again. It was the thirty-third time now, and Dabura entered the room.  
  
"Bulma pet, are you going to watch that all day? Maron's death IS definitely something to  
celebrate, but can't we do something else?"  
  
"You already got yours, so don't complain. Besides, I have something special planned for you  
tonight baby. You'll just have to wait for it. Come, watch with me."  
  
Dabura sat down by his lover's side and watched the blue-haired ditz self-destruct her ship. The  
two laughed insanely...though not as insanely as Goku could. Speaking of Goku...he was  
currently taking a nap. Yajirobe, however...  
  
The immensely overweight man had finally convinced himself that the yawn was a trick of his  
imagination. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming closer and closer. Sweat started to pour off  
his brow, and Yajirobe shook with fear. Slowly, he turned around to find...  
  
You'll have to wait until the next chapter! I hoped you liked it so far. Reviews would be very  
nice, very nice indeed. For those of you who like Maron...sorry, but I really wanted to kill her.   
Anyways, have a good life and remember that optimism only works if you have cookies on hand  
for the low periods. ^_^ 


	5. Madame Rosotta

A/N: Well, here we go, it's the next chapter of this tale. Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it. Sorry it took a while, my mom dragged me out to camp!  
Anyways, onward we go!!!  
  
I don't own dragonballz, or The Gap, for that matter. Not that I mention The Gap in my story, I just don't  
EVER want to be associated with The Gap. Shall we continue?  
  
Last time, we left off where Yajirobe was hearing footsteps in the hall of his spacecraft when he turned  
around to find...a woman with short, blond hair, shimmery red jeans and a white tank top standing by the  
control console.  
  
"Wh-who are y-you?"  
"I am Madame Rosotta, fortune teller and psychic extraordinaire."  
"Really?"  
"That's just my nickname, I'm actually 18."  
"18?"  
"Yeah."  
"That's your name?"  
"You got a problem with that, tubby? Because if you do I could always just kick your butt and throw you  
into space, that would be fun!"  
"No, 18's a cool name. How'd you get on the ship? Are you human?"  
"Well, it's a long story..."  
"I have to go all the way to Earth, believe me, you've got time."  
  
"Okay, fine. I'm an android, I was created by a man named Dr. Gero. I was the 18th model (big surprise  
there) and my gift was psychic powers. My twin brother's a lawyer. Damn him, I want to be a good  
lawyer! You get to lie for a living, and get paid for it!"  
"Couldn't you also do that with fortune telling?"  
"Yeah, but lawyers get paid more."  
"True."  
"Anyways, Gero got bored with me and sent me to Frieza as a birthday gift. So I told fortunes to the  
rebels for a few weeks, then Frieza got bored and stuck me in this ship. I swear, if you need to know  
anything about this craft here, I've got you covered."  
"That's good to know. Hey, do you think you could do my fortune?"  
"I suppose, let me run and get my crystal ball."  
  
  
18 walked out of sight for a few moments, and soon returned with a large dark green bag which contained  
all her fortune telling stuff. She carefully took out her crystal ball, then dusted it thoroughly. Yajirobe  
watched all this with a keen eye, and drooled when 18 pulled a twinkie from her bag.  
  
"No way fatty, this is mine."  
"But you're an android! You don't need to eat!"  
"You don't need to eat either, that doesn't mean you don't want to. Same goes for me. Don't even think  
about touching this twinkie or you are dead meat...well, maybe dead fat. What's your name? Not that I  
care, but calling you tubby and fatty' s gonna get boring after a while."  
"Yajirobe."  
"Hey, you're that bounty hunter after the fry-pan-princess, eh?"  
"How did you know?"  
"I'm a psychic...I read minds...you understand?"  
"Sort of..."  
"Nevermind."  
"So, can you tell me my fortune now?"  
"Okay, okay! Jeez, just wait a second."  
  
18 placed her hands so that they hovered over her crystal ball. She closed her eyes and began humming an  
ancient tune...something that sounded coincidentally similar to the Barenaked Ladies.  
  
"Whoo-whoo-who! It's all been done!"  
"What was that?"  
"Er...just part of the ritual. Now, place your hands over mine."  
  
Yajirobe did as he was instructed, and the blond android began a monotone hum that was becoming more  
and more eerie by the second. He shook slightly, but composed himself and soon was listening to 18's  
predictions.  
  
"I see...strobe lights...people packed in like sardines...money being thrown...two figures dancing...picking  
up the cash...I hear music...techno..."  
"Anything else?"  
"Nope, that's it. Madame 18 cannot see anymore."  
"Madame 18? *snicker*"  
"Be quiet! I deserve to have some fun with this. Now, as for what that all means-"  
"It's simple. I'm going to end up going clubbing and seeing two hot female strippers dancing for cash."  
"That's you're interpretation, you never know. All I can say is, my visions are never wrong. The only  
thing that could be incorrect is the interpretation."  
"Right. Do you know where any more food is on this ship? Unless you'd like to surrender that twinkie  
there..."  
"Hissssssss."  
"Okay, okay! I won't go for the twinkie! Just don't kill me!"  
"Psh. Some bounty hunter you make."  
"Hey, I'm awesome at this job! How far are we on this F-89 Velo?"  
"From Earth?"  
"Yeah."  
"It depends on how long we stop."  
"Why would we stop?"  
"The fuel problem."  
"Forgot about that..."  
"Obviously."  
  
18 got up from her chair and sauntered around. It was then that Yajirobe discovered that she was actually  
quite attractive. He took a long stare at her, thinking he was unnoticed until a loud slap on his face proved  
him otherwise. Yajirobe tumbled to the floor, his rolls bouncing along with him.  
  
"If you ever stare at me like that again, consider yourself without any reproductive organs. Do I make  
myself clear?"  
"Yes 18."  
"Good."  
  
That's all for this chapter! I'll get the next one posted soon, I promise. And Rez, yes, I have used one of your lines, but it doesn't come until later. You'll have to watch for it. Please review, it would be very kind of you all. Have a great summer...well, what's left of it anyway. 


	6. Unfeva Night Club

A/N: Well, hello everybody...or maybe I should just say Rez, who's been my best reviewer so far. Thanks so much! Here is chapter 6, hope you like it. I, personally, think this is the best chapter of my story so far.  
  
I don't own dragonballz  
  
  
For a while, the trip through space went by uneventfully, save the appearance of Maron's head floating by  
the window. After 6 hours aboard the ship, the fuel gage went dangerously low. 18 quickly scanned the  
database for a nearby planet.  
  
  
"Well fat man, it says here that planet Namek is about 2 minutes from here. We can land there and gas up.   
People there are pretty friendly."  
"Have you been there?"  
"No, but I've heard of the place."  
"You are missing out, that planet's awesome!"  
"I guess we'll go there then, tubby."  
"I though you said that would get boring after a while!"  
"It hasn't been a while yet."  
  
Yajirobe groaned, 18 smirked and set the ship's coordinates for the planet Namek. The two arrived on the  
planet with a very smooth landing, thanks to 18. The two talked with some dignitaries for a short time and  
were able to park their ship and get it fueled up. The only problem was, it would take two days to finish  
it.  
  
"Two days, what the heck are we going to do for two days?"  
"You said this planet was awesome, you should know how to occupy yourself. As for me, I'm going to  
Unfeva Night Club-it's ladies night and I can get in free."  
"Ladies night? Sweet, I'm there."  
"Why would YOU want to go?"  
"Think about it, ladies get in free, I'm a guy who could be surrounded by chicks, it's paradise!"  
"Assuming that you'd find enough women stupid enough to hang around with you. Don't follow me  
either."  
"No worries there, I've had enough of you on the ship."  
"Please. You never stopped looking at me."  
"There were no other choices. You already ate the twinkie."  
"...I don't even want to know."  
  
Yajirobe walked outside the hangar where the Namekians were keeping his ship. Exhausted from the  
physical activity, he limped quite slowly over to a vehicle rental place. Soon, he was inside Unfeva Night  
Club-he didn't have to pay because he was on good terms with the owner, Piccolo. The two were soon  
chatting like old friends, which they were.  
  
"So dude, Piccolo, how's the club? I suppose you wouldn't have any hot babes dancing tonight, it being  
ladies night and all."  
"Nope, no can do. I'm in deep crap right now my friend."  
"How so?"  
"My stripper act is late. The two were supposed to be here a half an hour ago."  
"That sucks."  
  
Suddenly, a thought occurred to Yajirobe. Perhaps these two strippers were the one in his fortune! He  
hoped not, he sincerely hoped not. Gazing over the railing, the two being upstairs, Yajirobe spotted none  
other than Goku, his rival bounty hunter, getting his groove on with some pink-haired britney spears  
wannabe. He clasped his hands together with glee, hoping that the Namekians could fix his ship quickly,  
so that he'd be ahead of the gi-sporting saiyajin.   
  
"Hey, how are you ladies doin' out there tonight?"  
  
A huge scream erupted from the crowd, and Piccolo held his hands over his extra-sensitive ears. There, on  
stage, was his stripper act. One man was short, well built and bald. He wore a pair of cotton sweats that  
were green and black, as well as a black sweater. The other man was not quite as short, but slightly  
vertically challenged as well. His hair swept up like a flame, and his outfit was filled with rhinestones and  
glitter.  
  
"So, Vegeta, think these ladies want a show?"  
"I don't know Krillin, do they?"  
  
The crowd roared and a mass of people attempted to claw their way onto the stage. One person DID  
manage to get up, and was promptly shoved back into the crowd by Vegeta.  
  
"Hey man, don't do it to our audience!"  
"Don't even think about telling me what to do, baldy. Remember who your master is."  
"Yes hon."  
  
Hon?? Yajirobe's face dropped to the ground, and he could see 18 on the dance floor, pointing at him and  
laughing her heart out. The poor android slipped on someone's dress and fell, still laughing nonetheless.   
Yajirobe glowered, shot 18 the bird, then sulked as Vegeta and Krillin performed a very sexy, intricate,  
kinky strip dance. By the end of their performance, Krillin was clad in only a black thong with green  
flames, and Vegeta quite similarly, only his thong was white and studded with diamonds. The whole  
house went into uproar as the two started to make out onstage.   
  
"Bwahahahahahahahaha! I was right!!!!! I was so right!! This is hilarious!!! Heeheeheehee!!!"  
  
The fortune teller femme continued to spasm with laughter on the cold tile floor, even while people were  
spraying silly string on her. She was too wrapped up in her own amusement to notice or care. Yajirobe,  
meanwhile, was crying in the bathroom after having to witness the onstage performance. After going  
through all the toilet tissue, Yajirobe was blowing his nose in brown paper towel when none other than  
Vegeta and Krillin walked in.  
  
"He must've had a nosebleed from our performance."  
"Get over yourself Vegeta, not everyone thinks you're sexy...unless you threaten them."  
"Of course."  
  
What will happen next? Will Yajirobe go completely insane? Will 18 ever get off the dance floor? And  
what about Goku? Will he get off the planet before or after Yajirobe? Will he even figure out if Yajirobe  
is there? Just who exactly IS the fry-pan-princess? (I think that's a given) Reviews are very so much  
appreciated. Any feedback, good, bad, whatever. Tell me if I suck so I can do better! Byes! 


	7. New Crew Members

A/N: Just to let you all know (although you've probably figured it out by now) that I'm not using  
any correct ages at all. Enjoy the next chapter, and let me know what you think! Big shout out  
to my reviewers, you guys are the best.  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
Yajirobe turned around slowly, facing the strippers with an expression of fear and disgust. To  
his relief, they were fully clothed.  
  
"Are you guys actually gay? Or is it just an act for the crowd?"  
"Veggiekins and I were married two weeks ago. We had such a lovely ceremony; Vegetasei has  
the most beautiful churches."  
"I told you not to call me that in public!"  
"Whatever, sweet thang."  
  
Vegeta made a low, guttural sound in the back of his throat and gave poor Krillin a fierce  
shaking. Disoriented, the miniscule male midget ended up with his head in the sink.  
  
"So you're gay."  
"Do you have a problem with that, lardy?"  
  
Vegeta glared violently at Yajirobe, who promptly squeaked out a small "no." and tripped on a  
stray roll of toilet paper, causing Vegeta to laugh profusely. After getting up off the tiled  
flooring, Yajirobe inquired as to why Krillin and Vegeta were on Namek.  
  
"Money. That and cueball has an obsession with this planet's vegetables."  
"So is cueball a pet name for your husband there?"  
  
Vegeta simply growled at the pumpkin shaped man, causing him to cower in fear. Krillin,  
however, had fully recovered and was advancing towards his love. Much to the males' surprise,  
the vertically challenged man dumped a huge amount of water on the hapless saiyajin, causing  
him to be thoroughly wet.  
  
"Gee Vegeta, you seem real happy to see me...REALLY happy in fact, but wait until we're alone,  
m'kay?"  
"You bitch!"  
  
Krillin sped out of the washroom with a soaking wet Vegeta in hot pursuit. Yajirobe walked out  
to find 18 so they could get out of here-he hoped and prayed the ship would be fueled by now.   
Once he found his blond-haired acquaintance, she was chatting and laughing with Vegeta and  
Krillin, who looked as if he had walked through a waterfall. You see, Vegeta had a fetish with  
revenge. Yajirobe soon saw a flash of gold, and deduced they were showing off their wedding  
rings. The obese man strained to hear their conversation, but all he managed to comprehend  
was: "Of course you can. We have..." and after that the noise of Unfeva night club continued to  
block them out. Unsure of what to do, Yajirobe spotted Goku nearing and hastily decided to talk  
to 18.  
  
"Yo! 18!"  
"What is it, Captain Flubber?"  
"We gotta get back to the ship. There's this saiyajin bounty hunter here, and if he sees me I'm  
dead meat. Plus, if we leave now, we can get to Earth before he does."  
"Goku after you? Good luck."  
  
18 and Yajirobe turned towards Vegeta in astonishment. Eventually, it was the android who  
ventured forth a question.  
  
"How do you know his name?"  
"I AM the prince of Vegetasei, and every one of our race knows of that disgrace to our planet.   
Their entire family is the laughingstock of the galaxy."  
  
Yajirobe nodded his head in agreement. He was still finding it difficult to get rid of the nasty  
images of Radditz in a nightie.  
  
"If you're a saiyajin, where's your tail?"  
"Right here."  
  
Vegeta unfurled his tail from out of nowhere, so it seemed. It was a luxurious mahogany brown,  
and 18 eyed it in interest.  
  
"Where do you keep it?"  
"My thong."  
"You have an amazing talent for flexibility, spandex prince."  
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME??"  
  
Krillin and Yajirobe snickered as 18 completely ignored Vegeta.  
  
"I guess we'd better get going. Mini-me, Vegetable Head, pumpkin man, get your butts in gear  
and follow me."  
"THEY'RE coming with us?"  
"Why not, blubber butt?"  
  
Yajirobe, not being able to come up with a good answer very speedily, stuck his face in his  
hands in sorrow. Krillin was desperately straining to keep Vegeta from killing 18 for her name  
calling. The group of four were soon on their way to the hangar.  
  
"Hey guys..."  
"What?" asked 18. "Krillin, what is it?"  
"There's someone following us, he's not too far away...he's got a dark red gi on...hey, he's pretty  
hot too."  
"Crap. I'll bet it's the bounty hunter...what was his name, fat man?"  
"Goku, and my name is Yajirobe!"  
  
18 and Vegeta merely guffawed at the overweight man's attempts to gain respect, the latter  
forgetting for the moment Krillin's drooling over Goku. The android and the prince then  
dragged Krillin and Yajirobe to the F-89 Velo...which was still being fueled up. After  
deliberating over the matter for two seconds, 18 and Vegeta pulled the other two into a much  
faster vehicle with a full tank of gas. You see, in comparison to them, Krillin was lacking in  
speed, and Yajirobe...was a fat turtle. After boarding the ship, 18 blasted off Namek, leaving a  
muscle-bound Goku screaming obscenities and flipping the bird at the departing spacecraft.   
  
The bodacious android then reset the co-ordinates for Earth. Everyone started to relax once they  
were out of the galaxy which contained the planet Namek. 18 worked on her fortune-telling,  
Yajirobe on his never-ending hunger, and Vegeta and Krillin on their french kissing. They had a  
slight difficulty when it came to privacy, as 18 possessed the annoying habit of sneaking in and  
spying on the lovers. After barricading the door to their room, the fortune teller had to be  
content with watching the action on her crystal ball. Meanwhile...  
  
"Dammit! I had the lead on that fat pumpkin and I blew it! Blew it all for a day on Namek. I'd  
better hurry...there's no way I'm going to let Yajirobe get all that cash. How in the heck did my  
BROTHER get roped into doing 'price is right' modelling for Empress Bloom? And my father?   
Victoria's Secret??! Good Kami I'm ashamed. Then again, our entire family's a shame to the  
saiyajin race anyhow. Wasn't that prince Vegeta with him? Who the hell were the other two?   
No matter, I'll dispose of them all. Once I receive my just reward, maybe I'll take on the task of  
seducing Bulma...that woman is HOT. Why am I constantly talking to myself? Oh well."  
  
With his signature crazy, insane, evil and yet oh-so-sexy laugh, Goku hastily found the D-43  
Omega and headed towards Earth at top speed.  
  
Inside the stolen ship, Yajirobe was napping at the bridge, mumbling and drooling in his  
slumber. Vegeta and Krillin were having "quality time", still unaware of their psychic audience.   
18 was practically drowning in her own saliva; it wasn't every day she got to see muscle-bound  
men get freaky. Vegeta's tail also added spice to the present steamy situation. Unfortunately for  
18...  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Not till next chapter! I guess I'll leave you hangin'. Well, have a great day, and remember to drop me a line about what you think of my story so far.   
  
Oh, one favour...if you like pirate stories, check out my fic "Savage Siren." It's not funny, but I tend to think it's good. Just one review for chapter 16...that's all I ask...  
  
I have school tomorrow, it sucks, but at least it's not all day ^-^ Bye! 


	8. Prince Of Bedsheets

A/N: Here we go! I know it's later than usual, but now that school's back and I have after school stuff, my updates won't be as frequent. So sorry, but that's life. Big shout out to all who reviewed. You guys rock!  
  
I own absolutely nothing mentioned in this story that already has a copyright. I think that covers it all.  
  
*Damn, I wish my crystal ball had a volume button on it or something!*  
"Oh yes! Yes!"  
*Then again, if that stay THAT loud, I won't need one.*  
"You love that, don't you."  
"You know it, Veggiekins."  
"Get over here, chrome-dome."  
  
18 broke into fits of hyena-like laughter at the prince's nickname, and almost fell off her chair.  
  
WHUMPH!  
  
"Nice work, baldy. Your big butt broke the bed."  
"Hey! My butt's not that big!"  
SMACK!  
"Ow!"  
"It wouldn't hurt so much if your derriere wasn't so large."  
"Well excuuuse me for not having fought all my life, Mr. Buns of Steel. Besides, you know it  
turns you on."  
"I like big butts and I cannot lie...you other brothers can't deny..."  
"Vegeta...are you...okay?"  
"Never been better. Guess we'll have to use the floor."  
  
A smaller thump was heard, followed by immensely loud purring. 18, of course, knew exactly  
what went on, but sadly, it cannot be revealed due to it's graphic nature. I'm sure your  
imagination will be able to figure something out for you if you want.  
  
Suddenly, a loud crashing sound pierced the ship, accompanied by a lot of turbulence. 18's  
crystal ball almost slid off the table, Vegeta and his bald lover had their heads smacked into the  
broken bed, and poor Yajirobe had a rude awakening when he was thrown from his seat to the  
roof, and then down to the floor. 18, Krillin and Vegeta dashed in. Looking out the window, the  
trio saw a mammoth sized lamp smashing into random space debris. Vegeta panicked and  
jumped into Krillin's arms. Yajirobe groggily came to, and 18 was calm, because she knew  
exactly what to do. Of course, she had been around ships FOREVER, so  
what did you expect?  
  
"Just use the shrink ray on it."  
"We have a shrink ray?"  
"Yes, prince of bed sheets, we do have a shrink ray. I DID steal the best ship."  
  
You see, in their haste for safety, Vegeta and Krillin draped bed sheets over themselves instead  
of putting on their clothes. This gave 18 a nice view of their pectorals, and she was desperately  
hoping one of their sheets would drop.  
  
"What happened?"  
"Well Mr. Glutton, there's a giant lamp bumping into debris outside the ship. It's like one of  
those Arabian things Earthlings ask wishes from. I'm going to shrink it and bring it aboard."  
"Whatever."  
  
The blond android walked over to the console and threw a rainbow lever marked, you guessed it,   
'shrink ray'. A large rainbow beam was fired and hit the lamp straight on. The sheer luminosity  
caused Vegeta to duck his face in Krillin's armpit in order to escape the light.  
  
"You stink."  
"Shut up, love."  
"Don't ever call me that!"  
"Bringing shrunken lamp onto spacecraft now."  
"Shut up, android."  
"Make me, spandex prince."  
  
  
Vegeta was about to accept that challenge, but instead opted to keep his sheet safely wrapped  
around his torso. 18 flipped a switch, bringing the minimized lamp before them. Don't ask me  
how, do I look like a technology freak? Anyways, the four travellers stared in awe and  
wonderment for a little while before 18 spoke up.  
  
"All right, it's mine."  
"Why is it yours, android?"  
"Because, vegetable breath, I shrunk it and saved us all."  
  
The saiyajin stripper grumbled a few obscenities as 18 picked up the lamp.  
  
"It's pretty dirty." stated Yajirobe.  
"No really. Do you have to point out the obvious, your royal plumpness?"  
  
18 sighed, why did this IDIOT of all living things have to take her ship while she was napping?   
The blond woman took her hand and started to brush off the space dust that had accumulated  
there. The lamp started to vibrate, and a shocked 18 dropped it to the ground. Smoke billowed  
out of the spout, causing the crew to start coughing violently. Suddenly, an ominous, powerful  
voice bellowed out...  
  
"MMM...GLUE STICKS."   
  
When the smoke cleared, the four standing there could see a young man of about seventeen. He  
was five foot ten and a half inches (height you sick people!), and had straight, lavender hair that  
reached the ground. He wore puffy, white pants and one of those Arabian shirts that cover pretty  
much nothing.   
Presently, he was chomping on some Elmers', causing Krillin to gag. Once he became aware of  
his surroundings, the long-haired youth magically made the glue stick disappear and sported a  
sheepish grin.  
  
"It's bad, I know. I've been trying to quit but it's so hard! The texture... the flavour..."  
  
Krillin's face was turning green, and Vegeta decided to move AWAY from his lover for now.  
  
"Anyhow, my name is-"  
"Slim Shady!" cried Krillin, earning him a few quizzical looks.  
"No, it's not. My name is Trunks, and I am the genie of the lamp. You," Trunks pointed at 18.  
"have released me, so you now get three wishes."  
"Yes!"  
"Figures. Chicks get all the luck."  
"Well, maybe if YOU saved someone's life, blubber butt, you'd get a reward too."  
  
The genie cleared his throat, and 18 and Yajirobe shut up in order to listen to him.  
  
"So, what do you want to wish for?"  
"I'm not sure, but you know, you're the first genie I've heard of that actually has a name."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, really. You know, if you cut your hair up to here," 18 stuck her hand on Trunks'  
shoulder. "you'd look really hot. Not that you don't already."  
  
The teen genie flushed crimson, and became even more red when the android wrapped her arms  
around his waist.  
  
Ooh! Things are getting spicy! What will 18 wish for? Will she stop spying on Krillin and  
Vegeta if she manages to seduce Trunks? Where is Goku now? You'll have to read the next  
chapter! Thanks so much for the reviews, and I'd be so grateful if I got even more. ^-^. Have a  
good day! 


	9. It Just Might Happen

A/N: Here's the next chapter, hope you all like it! Thanks so much for all the reviews, you guys  
rock! Yeehaw!  
  
I don't own dragonballz, or anything else that I mention in this story that is already trademarked,  
copyrighted, or licensed by someone else.  
  
"So...Trunks, do you ever get LONELY being a genie?"  
"S-s-somet-times."  
"That is SO not fair." complained Yajirobe.  
"Yeah, why should she get that dreamboat?"  
  
Yajirobe backed away from Vegeta in sheer disgust, and Trunks cleared his throat.  
  
"There's something I should tell you all before Vegeta starts hitting on me."  
  
Krillin gave a smoldering glare to his lover.  
  
"What? He IS damn hot, you can't deny that."  
"I suppose you're right, love."  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!"  
  
Krillin snickered and gave Vegeta a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Please, don't do that in front of me Krillin."  
"Wait a minute genie...how in the hell do you know mine and Baldy's names?"  
"Actually, I know all your names. I've been TRYING to tell you, but people keep  
INTERRUPTING. Anyhow, I'm from the future, and Vegeta...."  
"What is it already?"  
"I AM YOUR SON."  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Okay, I'm done my Luke Skywalker bit."  
  
The rest of the group gave a collective shout of "WHAT?!" causing Trunks' eardrums some  
damage.  
  
"How can you be Vegeta's son if he's married to me? Does he cheat on me? What happened?   
Veggiekins, have you ever donated to a sperm bank? Did we want a child and find a surrogate  
mother? If we did, who was she? ANSWER ME!!"  
"If everyone would SHUT UP and if 18 would quit clinging onto me, then I'll TELL you all  
EXACTLY what happened in my time...and what may happen in yours. None of the details are  
sketchy, because as a genie, I'm also a psychic and can see into my past."  
  
All became silent, and 18 reluctantly let go of poor Trunks.  
  
"Now then. All of you arrived on Earth, only to find that Goku landed before you. You all  
decided to help Yajirobe on his mission, because you planned to take a good piece of the reward.   
On your journey, Krillin became enraptured with an emperor named Chiaozu, and ran away with  
him, leaving Vegeta in deep despair and total depression. Vegeta snuck off from the hotel where  
he, 18 and Yajirobe were staying so he could go cry without anyone seeing.  
  
"A lilac haired peasant woman who happened to be passing through saw him, and sat down to  
talk with him. One thing led to another and...well, that woman was my mom. She left Vegeta as  
he snored rather loudly and found herself pregnant a week later. Krillin returned as the crew  
neared the fry-pan-princess, and begged for Vegeta's forgiveness. Vegeta forgave him, feeling  
guilty as well, and the two renewed their vows.   
  
"I was raised in a wire mesh cage, my mother being extremely evil. When I turned thirteen, she  
got a powerful wizard named Babadi to turn me into a genie, so she could ask for anything she  
desired. After two years of being my mother's slave...no Yajirobe, not a sex slave, I can already  
see you picturing it and it's freaking me out. Please stop.   
  
" Like I was saying, after two years of being my mother's slave, the rebels attacked our home.   
They had become much more powerful than they are now. I refused to help my mom stop them,  
so she used a ray gun to make my lamp giant, stuck me inside and sent me back in time as a  
punishment. Personally, I think it's a blessing. I spent two years flying through space eating  
glue sticks to pass the time. I also learned how to Macarena to the hamster dance."  
  
Yajirobe blinked in shock, Vegeta gave Krillin the fiercest death glare in existence, Krillin was  
cowering and at the same time, trying to convince Vegeta that he'd never cheat on him; that the  
genie's brains were fried after eating all those glue sticks. 18 was sobbing and wiping her tears  
on Krillin's bed sheet.  
  
"That's...*sniff*...so sad!! You poor guy!! Your life was so horrible!!!"  
  
The blond woman ran over to Trunks and snuggled up quite tightly to the young genie.  
  
"Uh, 18...what about your wishes?"  
"Look, if you don't want me, just say so. I'll understand."  
"Okay. I don't want you."  
  
SLAP!  
  
Trunks fell flat on his back, holding his hand to his cheek in an attempt to thwart the pain there.   
A huge bruise was taking form, and both Vegeta and Krillin were laughing like hyenas, tears of  
mirth flowing freely from their eyes.  
  
"That would be my understanding. Now, for my wish."  
  
18 sauntered over to Trunks, swaying her hips in mock seduction. Yajirobe would have stared,  
but feared for his physical well being. Trunks was quivering with fear, and tried to slide away,  
but was held fast by the determined android.  
  
  
"Let's see...for my wish...I want you to..."  
  
18 whispered the rest of her wish in the genie's ear, making him turn pale. The three men  
further away felt their anxiety rise; what did she wish for? Would they all survive? Finally,  
Trunks spoke.  
  
"I DO NOT want to see that."  
  
18, not yet defeated, rushed into the bowels of the ship, and returned with an Easter basket full  
of glue sticks. They were in an assortment of sizes, and there were even purple and blue ones.   
Upon seeing this, Trunks was salivating so much that he almost made a puddle on the floor of  
the stolen ship.  
  
"So then, will you grant my wish now?"  
"GLUE STICKS!!!"  
  
Krillin and Vegeta exchanged worried looks, and Yajirobe was just plain freaked out.  
  
"Not until you grant my wish, Trunks."  
"Grrr...fine."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What is 18's first wish? Is Trunks telling the truth about the future? Will Trunks survive having 18 ask for wishes? Not until next time! Please let me know what you all think, it would be so nice. Bye! 


	10. The Horror, Or Hamster Dance, Whichever ...

A/N: Hey all! What's kickin'? Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you make me feel so special...*sniff*. Anyhow, let's continue, shall we?  
  
I don't own anything that is already copyrighted  
  
  
  
  
  
Trunks took in a deep breath, raised his hands and shouted...  
  
"Dee dee dee da dee da do do, dee dee ba di day do!"  
"Aaaah! Not the hamster dance! Somebody save me! Somebody!!"   
  
Yajirobe plugged his ears and started screaming. Krillin fainted dead away, and Vegeta was  
banging his head against the wall, mumbling "How could I ever produce something that  
retarded...how?"  
  
"Trunks, is this really necessary?"  
"I can't make your wish come true without doing this."  
"Carry on then."  
  
Trunks continued to sing the hamster dance song, and, to everyone's dismay, did the Macarena  
at the same time.  
  
"All right everybody now here we go, it's the brand new version of the do-si-do. So stomp your feet and clap your hands, c'mon everybody it's the hamster dance!"  
"Somebody kill me now! I don't care, make it stop! I'll exercise! I'll stop doing evil things for  
money! I'll change my clothes for once! I'll even take showers!"  
  
Vegeta shuddered in disgust at the pathetic man of pudge, and made a metal note to get a high  
quality clothes pin to close his nose. 18 was thinking about forcing the piggy man into a shower  
and not let him out for two hours.  
  
"Bounce in time to the beat, hey, you don't even have to move your feet! Just shake your thing,  
let me see you move, now turn around and feel the groove. YEEEEEEEEHAAAWW!"  
  
A burst of lavender light filled the room, and sparkles filled the air. A few got into 18's eyes and  
she started cussing so loudly that Yajirobe was getting a headache, even with his fingers in his  
ears. Once everything cleared, all that were in the room opened their eyes to see Vegeta and  
Krillin clad in their thongs from before.  
  
"What the HELL did you wish for android?"  
"Settle down Vegeta, just that you'll have to wear those outfits until I decide you shouldn't. Oh,  
and I should mention one thing...there's a magic force surrounding you two, making sure you  
can't cover up in any way."  
"WHAT??"   
  
Vegeta passed out from the sheer shock of it all, slumping next to an unconscious Krillin.   
Yajirobe unplugged his ears and let out a heaving sigh of relief; he wouldn't have to change his  
clothes or exercise, the singing was over.  
  
"They look so cute together...and so hot."  
  
Both Trunks and Yajirobe looked at her as though she was insane. Meanwhile, somewhere not  
too far behind...  
  
"Well, well, well. There they are. They took a much better ship this time, but no matter. I will  
prevail, I always do! That fry-pan-princess will be brought back by me, and I'll get that  
lasagna!!! Of course, there's still that monster outside the home...hell, nothing can stop me! I'm  
Goku, after all, ace bounty hunter of the universe. The only thing I haven't done is have a night  
with Bulma...oh, the rumours I've heard about that empress...shut up brain, remember, stay  
focussed. MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
With that oh-so-sexy evil laughter of his, Goku switched his D-43 Omega from light speed to  
faster-than-light speed and zipped past Yajirobe and the others without them even noticing.  
  
"That was too easy."  
  
Back in the ship, 18 had dragged Vegeta and Krillin onto a bed and left them there. She then  
busied her time with insulting Yajirobe, calling him the pungent pudgemaster and other various  
nicknames. Plus all the fat jokes she could think of.  
  
"Your royal plumpness, the bakery called, they want their rolls back."  
"I thought you said you were going to get bored calling me names!"  
"I thought I would...until I remembered how many fat jokes I knew."  
"Oh great."  
  
  
Trunks snickered whilst eating glue sticks in a leather chair.  
  
"Bad memories...bad memories..."  
"What the hell is it, blubber butt?"  
"Well 18, YOU didn't have to witness Radditz in a nightie, sitting on a leather chair like a price  
is right girl."  
" You poor little bitch. Although, his father Bardock is absolutely mint...or so I've heard."  
"He models for Victoria's secret."  
"Yeah, that's what Vegeta said. Remind me to subscribe."  
  
Trunks and Yajirobe looked at each other with wide, afraid looking eyes. 18 completely ignored  
them and sat on Trunks' lap.  
  
"Didn't I already say that I didn't want you?"  
"Do you actually think I'm going to listen to you?"  
"I'm a genie."  
"I'm a fortune teller, and I don't give a rat's ass."  
"That poor rat..."  
"Your brain is fried, isn't it? Then again, being raised in a mesh cage, actually having to LOOK  
at Babadi, being turned into a genie to be a slave to your mother, and flying through space eating  
glue sticks...I suppose it's expected. You're sexy anyways."  
  
The blond android rested her head on Trunks shoulder and started braiding his hair. Poor Trunks  
was trying to get out of the seat, but 18 was much stronger, and the boy was deemed helpless.  
  
"Life's not fair..." complained both Yajirobe and Trunks.  
  
"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!"  
"Android...what the hell are you doing? It looks rather suspicious when you're sitting on the  
genie and saying that."  
  
18 turned around and saw Vegeta there, clad in his sparkly, diamond studded thong. All  
coherent thoughts left her mind, and she just stared in bliss. You see, 18 didn't really get a  
chance to beforehand, she was much to busy laughing at the irony of Yajirobe's fortune coming  
true. She finally came to her senses and blushed furiously, realizing just what Vegeta was  
talking about.  
  
"I figured out my second wish!"  
"I'm afraid to ask what it is, considering I'm going to have to grant it."  
"Well Trunks, my second wish is to force Yajirobe to take a shower long enough that he doesn't  
stink, and make him wear a mumu!!  
  
Everyone gave a huge cheer of happiness, except, of course, for Yajirobe, who was quite  
terrified by the whole prospect of cleanliness.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
"Okay, this is one wish I can definitely grant."  
"Good, good." said Krillin, who promptly received a smack from Vegeta.  
"OW! What was that for?"  
"I saw you staring at him, don't even try to fake it."  
"Who, the genie? It's not like you weren't!"  
  
The thong-clad couple kept arguing, causing a worried look to come over Trunks' face.  
  
"Oh shit. If they start fighting now, who knows what's going to happen on earth?"  
"Why should you care?"  
"Well Yajirobe, I don't want myself to be born in this time and suffer what I went through."  
"Oh."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Will Trunks successfully be able to keep Vegeta away from the mysterious peasant woman? Is  
Vegeta's and Krillin's marriage on the rocks? How will Yajirobe cope with a shower and a  
mumu? (For those of you who don't know, a mumu is a dress for really big guys. I learned that  
off the Simpsons, like so many other things.) Find out as the story goes on! Please let me know  
what you think, suggestions for improvement are wonderful, and if you want to give me ideas,  
go ahead, but I may or may not use them. Byes! 


	11. Yajirobe's Slight Makeover

A/N: Here it is...the next chapter. I hope you all liked it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you  
are most kind, especially Feleda and Docky, who I believed reviewed EVERY CHAPTER so far! Wow!! The insanity will go on...and on...and on...until I feel like stopping it.  
  
I don't own Dragonballz, or anything else with a copyright mentioned in this fiction.  
  
Vegeta and Krillin stood there, angrier than hornets, bitchier than dogs, and shorter than the  
average male. Their eyes blazed like infernos, their voices rose to decibels higher than that of  
Mariah Carey, and the excellent pronunciation they had caused them to constantly spit on each  
other.  
  
"You think you can just look at any man you want and I won't notice, you saiyajin slut?"  
"It's not like you don't, fatass!"  
"You jerk!"  
"You whore!"  
"You moronic dweeb!"  
  
Vegeta paused, and then said the most terrifying insult of all...  
  
"You prep."  
(A/N: Sorry to the preps out there, but I really couldn't resist. And I know Krillin isn't really a  
prep)  
  
Krillin broke down into tears as his husband snivelled in disgust. Trunks was worried, 18 was  
staring at Vegeta's pectorals, and Yajirobe was desperately trying to sneak away so he wouldn't  
have to take a shower and wear a mumu. Just as he was almost out of the bridge, 18 spotted  
him.  
  
"Aha! Thought you could get away with smelling like a pig, did you? Well think again,  
supercow, cuz Madame Rosotta's got a wish, and a wish she's going to get!"  
"Madame Rosotta?" inquired Trunks.  
"It's my fortune-telling name that I use for the fun of it. Make fun of me and I'll open mouth  
kiss you."  
"That's a perfect name."  
"Glad you see it my way."  
  
Yajirobe took off, running as fast as he could, his blubber making jiggling sounds as he moved.   
Trunks muttered something that suspiciously sounded like "I do not like green eggs and ham.",  
which caused Yajirobe to become frozen in place.  
  
"Now, make him take a shower!" cried 18 gleefully to Trunks.  
"All right then. I'm going to have to sing-"  
"NOOOO!!!"   
  
After screaming like a girl, Vegeta ran over and shook poor Trunks like a ragdoll.  
  
"If you EVER sing that blasted song again, I will make you wish you had never been born."  
"I can't wish, I'm a genie."  
"Just don't sing the frickin' song!!"  
  
Vegeta walked away, pulling his hair out of his head in the process. Krillin snickered, earning  
him a small ki shot in the knee.  
  
"Ow...that hurts...a lot."  
"You deserved it, cueball."  
  
Vegeta stormed out of anyone's reach, and Krillin sat down on the floor, feeling a bit dejected  
and not wanting Trunks to eat any more glue sticks. It really grossed him out and if he saw it  
again, he was sure he would throw up.  
  
Trunks grumbled something about the wish not having 100 percent effectiveness without the  
hamster dance, then waved his hands and the same purple sparkly thing happened once more,  
this time without anyone getting the small pieces of glass in their eyes.  
  
When all the debris had cleared, a small, square shower stall had enveloped Yajirobe, and the  
sound of spraying water filled everyone's ears. 18 gave a whoop of joy, picked up Krillin and  
did a victory dance. Then, much to the shock of everyone else, a horrible, raspy sound drifted  
from the shower...  
  
"Singin' in the bathtuuuuuub...never any paaaaiiiiiin. Watchin' all my troubllllles....go washin'  
down the draiiiiiiiiin."  
"So, Yajirobe sings in the shower...I just hope my eardrums survive this trip." muttered the  
blond android.  
  
Vegeta had come back, and Krillin was presently arguing with him over which t.v. song the  
show came from.  
  
"Sylvester and Tweety!"  
"Scooby Doo!"  
"Sylvester and Tweety!"  
"Scooby Doo!"  
"Sylvester and Tweety!"  
"Scooby Doo!"  
  
The saiyajin and the bald man bitched viciously at each other, the latter convinced it was  
Sylvester and Tweety. To clarify something for you all, he was right. I heard that song myself  
on that show numerous times. Tweety sings it. Back to the story, 18 was busy braiding Trunks'  
hair once again. Trunks however, was completely oblivious, as he was praying to the great God  
of glue.  
  
"Oh great God of glue, lord of supreme adhesives, I pray that thou shalt continue to produce  
thine sacred crops of sticks. I pray that Elmer's will rise above the nation and bring us to a  
better future. I ask that you guide me in my ways, and I'm sorry that I turned away from you for  
ten minutes. Amen."  
  
The married couple stopped their bickering to stare at the genie, and 18 became so disturbed that  
she stopped braiding Trunks' hair. Although, it only took one glace from the heartthrob genie  
for 18 to become obsessed with seducing him once more.  
  
"Say Trunks...how would you like to 'worship' alongside me?"  
"I don't even want to know what you're suggesting by your tone when you say 'worship'."  
"Damn."  
  
A creaking sound echoed throughout the ship, and everyone turned to see Yajirobe standing  
outside the shower, wearing a rose pink mumu with white flowers. Everyone instantly broke  
into insane laughter.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEHEEHO  
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEHEEHEEHEEHOHOHOHOHOHOH  
OHOHOHO!!!"  
  
Yajirobe's pride was thoroughly stomped on then and there, so the huge man sulked and walked  
two steps...before falling flat on his face and drifting off into slumber, his lard rippling with each  
snore he took. 18 started choking on her own laughter, Vegeta and Krillin started fighting over  
whether to microwave or oven cook kraft dinner. (What on earth are they arguing about?  
Everyone knows that oven cooking, though more traditional, is actually much easier. Cooking  
all that macaroni in the microwave is not as easy as it looks, I've tried it. Unless you get easy  
mac...I've never tried that.) Trunks, his hair now fully braided in many different strands, went  
back inside his lamp to get away from 18. Meanwhile, on planet Earth...  
  
  
What's happening on planet earth? Will Yajirobe survive wearing a mumu? Who else will enter this story? I just realized that I have to do some MAJOR editing on the next chapter...but anyhow, let me know what you think and have a great day! 


	12. Wild Wild West

A/N: Well hello everybody! I know this is rather late, but I am a very busy person, and school always comes before fanfics, as does my drama group and other things. Thank you all SO much for your comments, and Rez, thanks for not putting me through initiation ^-^.  
  
I don't own dragonballz  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"This job is a piece of cake."  
  
The muscular saiyajin whistled a tune as he exited his ship. Goku was quite giddy, after all, the  
bounty was sure to be his. At least that's what he thought.   
  
"Let's see...where am I exactly?"  
  
Goku scanned the area with his sexy orbs, falling over when a rabid squirrel attacked his face.   
After blasting the evil creature and gaining composure once more, he spotted a town that looked  
as if it was from a western movie.  
  
"Hmm. I'll go there and ask for directions to Mount Fry-Pan."  
  
Goku quickly moved towards the town, resuming his whistling. He had completely forgotten  
about the Universal Positioning System in his gi, but then again, this saiyajin wasn't always the  
brightest fellow. He approached the saloon and walked in, letting the doors creak and sway  
behind him. There, sitting in a black executive style suit, was a man of average height, with  
catlike grace and icy blue eyes. He rose from the barstool and shook Goku's hand.  
  
"Hello there. I'm 17, ace lawyer and fighter android. Is there anything I can do for you? You  
look familiar..."  
"I'm Goku."  
"Oh yes, your father poses for Victoria's secret and your brother is a Price Is Right model for the  
empress...and you're a bounty hunter, am I correct?"  
  
Goku managed to get a nod out while banging his head against the wall in a botched attempt to  
clear the pictures from his mind.  
  
"I see. So, what's your mission?"  
  
Goku finally stopped his head banging, and sat down on one of the stools, 17 following him.  
  
"I have to kidnap the fry-pan-princess and bring her back to the bounty giver."  
"And who might that be?"  
"The empress."  
"My, my. I've heard she's quite the foxy one."  
"Have you seen her?"  
"Not yet, but I plan to someday."  
"You won't regret it, she's a true vixen. By the way, is there any service here? I'd kill for a  
drink."  
  
As if on cue, a white cat appeared with a tray laden with two beers, and sat them in front of 17  
and Goku.  
  
"Hi, my name's Korin. I own this here saloon. First drink's on the house, after that, you pay."  
  
Goku and 17 nodded their thanks, wisely choosing not to comment on Korin's saloon girl attire.   
They sipped their beers...well, 17 sipped, Goku guzzled his. After that, Goku managed to  
convince 17 to help with the kidnapping. Little did they know what would later befall them...  
  
"Cable is faster!"  
"DSL is!"  
"Cable!"  
"DSL!"  
"Cable!"  
"DSL!"  
"Cable!"  
"DSL!"  
"Cable!"  
"DSL!"  
"Cable you egomaniac saiyajin!"  
"DSL you balding munchkin!"  
"Cable you ass with the widow's peak!"  
"DSL you vertically challenged freak!"  
"You realize we just rhymed both our insults."  
"That IS pretty freaky. Back to our argument...Cable!"  
"DSL!"  
"Hah! I win! You agreed with me!"  
"No way in hell, you agreed with me first to get me to agree with you!"  
  
18 sat on the leather chair, hoping that the two would shut up eventually. They had been going  
on like this for seven hours now, and it was driving her insane. Yajirobe was still asleep, and  
Trunks didn't want to come out of his lamp, it was nice and quiet in there. Of course, 18 had  
other ideas. She left the bridge, leaving Vegeta and Krillin to duke it out in an all-out marriage  
battle, and Yajirobe to snore.  
  
She arrived in the room she had deemed her quarters and flopped down on the bed, relishing in  
the comfort it gave. The femme fatale remembered what she had come here to do in the first  
place, and grinned evilly. She rubbed the lamp rather vigorously, forcing Trunks to appear in a  
billow of purple smoke once more. He was wearing a robe and a nightcap, making 18 giggle a  
tad.  
  
"Eh? What time is it?"  
"It's time for my third wish."  
  
Once Trunks registered where he was, he began to get rather anxious. After all, this was 18 he  
was dealing with. He couldn't refuse anything she wished for, it was against the rules. Even if  
he wanted to, the magic he had would turn against him for the will of whoever was wishing.   
Which really sucked in Trunks' opinion, but there was nothing he could do but desperately hope  
that 18 wouldn't torture him too badly.  
  
"Erm...what do you wish for?"  
"One question first."  
"Shoot."  
"After I get my third wish, will you go back into the lamp forever?"  
"Yep. Until I get someone else to ask for wishes that is."  
"In that case, I wish that you could remain with me forever, as just a regular...whatever you were  
before a genie."  
  
Lavender smoke with sparkles filled the room, and 18 got her eyes cut once more, really pissing  
her off this time. After it cleared, Trunks was no longer wearing the Arabian attire, but was  
clothed in form fitting black leather pants and a transparent black shirt.  
  
"I'm free! No more wishes! No more responsibility! I can say no now!"  
"Um...good for you. But you owe me now."  
"What? I do not!"  
  
SLAP!  
  
"Okay, okay! I owe you for freeing me."  
"That's better. Now, how should you pay me..."  
  
A large smile that resembled a Cheshire cat spread over the android's face, causing poor Trunks  
to sweat profusely.  
  
"Oh, don't be so scared, it won't be that bad."  
"WHAT won't be that bad?"  
"This."  
  
18 pulled Trunks onto the bed and gave him a wild kiss. Trunks initially tried to rebuke her, but  
found himself to be enjoying it...a lot. The two started to make out furiously, and didn't even  
stop until they heard snickers from Yajirobe, Krillin and Vegeta.  
  
"Well android, looks like you made the genie your pet after all."  
"I'm not her pet, father."  
"NO SON OF MINE WOULD SING THE HAMSTER DANCE!!"  
"No, but when you consider what his mother did..." Krillin shuddered after that thought.  
"I guess I can agree with you there." muttered Vegeta. "But if he's my son...where's his tail?"  
  
What happens next? What will become of 17 and Goku's western adventures? Will the crew of  
5 make it to Earth fast enough to beat Goku to the fry-pan-princess? What happened to Trunks'  
tail? More to come, next time! Please let me know what you all think, suggestions for  
improvement and any other constructive criticisms are welcome. Have a great day! 


	13. Shield Your Eyes!

A/N: Well, here we go, it's the next chapter! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, I  
really appreciate it. Now then, shall we continue? I think so!  
  
I own absolutely nothing that already has a copyright.  
  
Warnings: Insane humour. If you're a stick-in-the-mud or an old fogie who can't handle it, this  
story may be too much for you. For the rest who can, enjoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Trunks fidgeted nervously under the scrutiny of the shrimpy saiyajin prince, who was growing  
quite impatient with his future son's lack of response.  
  
"Well? What happened to your tail?"  
"Leave him alone, he's suffered enough."  
"Did I ask YOU cueball?"  
"I don't CARE if you asked me or not, I FELT like talking so I DID. You can't tell me what to  
do."  
"Oh yes I can!"  
"Oh no you can't!"  
"Oh yes I can!"  
"Oh no you can't!"  
"Can so!"  
"Can not!"  
"Can so!"  
"Can not!"  
"Can!"  
"Can't!"  
"Can!'  
"Can't!"  
"Would you two just SHUT THE HELL UP FOR TWO SECONDS? Kami, you never stop  
fighting. It's no wonder you cheated on each other in my time line. Anyhow, my mother cut off  
my tail at birth and sold the hairs to a drug dealer named Puar."  
  
Everyone gasped at the name, for Puar was a well known name on the universal circuit. Legend  
had it that he once smoked a bong that was ten feet long. He was also a pimp on the sideline,  
and his whore Tien was quite cheap to rent, given his three eyes.  
  
"What did she do with the rest of the tail?"  
  
Trunks looked at 18 strangely, not sure why she would ask such a question. He shuddered for a  
moment, then proceeded to give the four of them the information they were so eagerly awaiting.  
  
"She chopped it up in pieces seven years later and fed it to her once most powerful  
enemy...Launch. She died the next day."  
  
18 remained indifferent, Vegeta was livid with anger, Krillin looked as if he was about to throw  
up, and Yajirobe was already in the washroom, puking his guts out.  
  
"That was something I really didn't need to know..." complained Krillin.  
"Well," started the android, "I'm going to take a nice, long nap until we get to-"  
  
WHAM!!  
  
The ship crunched into something solid rather harshly, sending Trunks crashing into Krillin, and  
Yajirobe to almost fall into his vomit. Vegeta and 18 hastily ran to the window, anxious to see  
where they had landed. 18 gave a whoop of joy and scraped Trunks and Krillin off the floor.  
  
"We're here!"  
"Where?"  
"Well Mr. Beluga, we've arrived on Earth, where I believe your mission was supposed to take  
you, was it not?"  
"Geez, enough with the names already 18!"  
  
The blond woman gave a sparkling laugh, and everyone knew all too well that the name-calling  
would never cease, so long as there were new fat phrases to come up with. Believe you me, 18  
had plenty of them.   
  
The crew exited the ship and found themselves near a huge metropolis, filled with neon lights,  
constant noise and all the other things that come in the big city...such as flashers. One slowly  
made their way towards to crew...  
  
"Everyone, shield you eyes!" cried the lavender-haired demi-saiyajin. All had hands over their  
eyes, and Muten Roshi huffed and fled out of sight.  
  
"Dear Kami, I'm glad I didn't see that."  
"Me too."  
"Hey, we agreed on something!"  
"Don't push your luck, ghetto booty."  
  
Krillin fumed at the insult his husband gave him, knowing full well it was true and he couldn't  
retort back. 18 had the bright idea to go into the city and get directions from someone on how to  
get to Mount Fry-Pan. Since no one had any better suggestions, they all tromped into the city,  
unsure where to look first. Meanwhile, in the wild, wild west...  
  
Goku and 17 stepped out of Korin's saloon, shuddering at the outfit he wore, when in the  
distance stood the shroud of some person, yet they couldn't make out who. As the figure got  
closer, they saw a young boy of about thirteen wearing a cowboy outfit that was brown with  
patches of black and white cow print, complete with spurs and everything. The tell-tale 'chink-  
chink' as he walked was quickly getting annoying, and both 17 and Goku were tempted to blast  
him into oblivion.  
  
"You, the black-eyed one!"  
"Yeah? What is it boy? Your spurs are getting damn annoying." snapped Goku.  
"I know. I hate them too. The sheriff makes me wear em'."  
"Explain why you're here."  
"Touchy, touchy. Jeez. I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Gohan, and I'm here  
to tell you that Sheriff Piccolo is on his way here, and you bad guys better watch out. We don't  
like people like you in OUR town. You don't belong here."  
"You little-"  
  
17 held Goku back and quickly cut him off from saying anything stupid by talking himself.  
  
"Actually, we don't plan on staying. Do you know the direction to where Mount Fry-Pan is?"  
"I have no idea...but if you wait for Sheriff Piccolo, he'll tell ya, yes he will."  
"Oookaaay then, we'll wait for the sheriff...hey, wait a second, isn't he the owner of Unfeva  
Night Club?"  
"Oh, that's the OTHER Piccolo. Piccolo Daimou. The sheriff's his spawn who fights evil bad  
guys! He was raised in a convent!"  
"Riiiight..."  
  
So Goku and 17 waited, and waited, and waited and waited and waited. Finally, after what  
seemed an eternity, a while stallion could be seen off where the horizon laid. Once the steed got  
closer, the two could see that a strange, elven-like man of about six foot two sat on the horse,  
and he was clothed in a pure white cowboy suit, which contrasted quite largely with his green  
skin. He literally glowed with the 'doo-gooder' attitude, and his smile was that pearly white that  
you only see on dentist commercials...save the pointy teeth. He brought his stallion to a stop in  
front of Gohan and the lawyer and the bounty hunter.  
  
"Greetings strangers, I am Sheriff Piccolo. What can I do ya for?"  
"We're in need of directions to Mount Fry Pan."  
"Aren't you 17, ace lawyer?"  
"Why yes I am, I take it you've heard of my work?"  
"How could I not? You have such an impressive record...no losses!"  
"But of course. I do have the perfect design."  
"Who built you?"  
"Dr. Gero."  
"I see."  
"Doesn't your sister do fortune telling?"  
"Yeah...she did."  
"What happened?"  
"She was bugging me A LOT so when Dr. Gero went to give him a present, I suggested her,  
because he considered her slightly defective in the first place."  
"That's an evil thing to do...evil isn't good!"  
"No, but this was a necessary evil. You know, like having to eat extra ice cream once and a  
while?"  
"I live on water."  
"Okay, then it's like really needing a Brita filter and finally getting it."  
"Oh, I see. Never mind then."  
"A-HEM."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What was that A-HEM for? Will either of the rival groups get directions to Mount Fry Pan? Find out next time, on...  
  
Small Minds In A Vast Universe!  
  
Please let me know what y'all think, y'hear? Have a great day! 


	14. Something About That Pink Van

A/N: Hello hello hello! I got 40 reviews on this story! I feel so proud, thanks so much you guys, you're the best! Onward with the insanity!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Both the android and the sheriff turned towards Goku, who had indiscreetly gained their  
attention.  
  
"Are we going to get directions to Mount Fry Pan or not? At the rate you're going, that fat  
bounty hunter is probably on Earth already!!"  
"All right Goku. Don't get your tighty whities in a twist."  
"I wear boxers!"  
"I'm sure you do. So anyways, Sheriff, would you happen to know where Mount Fry Pan is?"  
"Second star on the right and straight on 'till morning...wait...no...sorry, that's Neverland.   
Anyhow, you travel northeast about five hundred kilometres from here, and you'll be able to see  
the mountain and walk through the jungle in about a day."  
  
Goku and 17 glanced at each other, neither had know that there was a jungle in front of the  
mountain, they had assumed they could steal a cab and drive the entire way. Also, neither of  
them had thought about flying, not even when Sheriff Piccolo rode away into the sunset, his suit  
sparkling and his deputy Gohan stealing his cash back in town.  
  
"Don't tell him it was me, okay?"  
"No sweat, kid. Like I said to him...it's a necessary evil. If you DO get blamed..."  
  
17 brought forth a business card.  
  
"Call me and I'll act as your attorney."  
"Quit setting up jobs for yourself, we have to get going!"  
  
Goku then dragged 17 to the nearest highway, then proceeded to hitchhike. The first car that  
stopped for them was, of all things, a Lucky's Foods van. 17 threw the man in the driver's seat  
twenty feet into the brush, where rabid squirrels chased him across wheat fields. The two drove,  
and drove, and drove and drove and drove and drove. Suddenly, it finally hit Goku...  
  
"Oh, we can fly...can't we?"  
"We COULD fly, but we're not going to."  
"Why the hell not?"  
"Don't you feel the joy of being in this pink van? It's glorious!"  
"Don't tell me you have a thing for the van."  
  
17 kissed the dashboard and petted the steering wheel. Goku looked as if he was about to throw  
up, and made a move to get away...  
  
Back in the unknown metropolis, 18, Trunks, Yajirobe and the newlyweds were sitting in a  
Seattle Coffee House, sipping various kinds of drinks. Trunks had a mochaccino, Yajirobe had a  
super-deluxe sized hot chocolate with mounds of whipping cream on top, 18 had a cafe latte,  
Krillin had a white chocolate coffee, and Vejita had a cup of earl gray tea. The five sat in  
silence, each enjoying their beverage.  
  
You see, so far, they had stopped in at least twenty different places, and each person, merchant  
or street bum they had talked to had either no idea what they were talking about, ran away  
screaming after seeing Yajirobe, or, like the crazy homeless short girl named Pan, started  
babbling on about how great Aquafresh toothpaste tasted when mixed with cocaine. The group  
was very, very glad to take a break and not have to talk to anyone at this point. The waiter came  
by and asked if they needed anything else at the moment, to which 18 asked the monumental  
question...  
  
  
"Actually, yes. Do you happen to know where Mount Fry-Pan is?"  
"Sure do. Just follow your heart...wait...no...sorry, that's Thumbelina. Anyways, you have to  
take Highway 65945 for about 250 miles, and then cut through the jungle that's there. If you  
survive that, Mount Fry Pan is there. I'd be careful for the monster though. Some say it's so  
hideous that it blinds all its victims before eating them whole."  
"I'll keep that in mind. Could you bring the checks?"  
"Absolutely, be back in a few minutes."  
  
The waiter disappeared, leaving Trunks shivering in fear, just a tad, mind you. He personally  
didn't feel like running into monsters. 18 started to put his braided hair in a bun, just to calm  
him down. Of course, this was met with some cynical comments from our favourite saiyajin  
prince.  
  
"What are you trying to do? Make him Miss Universe? He needs bigger boobs."  
"I'm just calming him down, Kami! Can you ever just keep your obnoxiousness to yourself for  
once?"  
"No."  
"Damn."  
  
Everyone sat in silence once again until the waiter returned with their checks. Krillin wasn't  
sure, but he thought he saw the waiter checking him out, being in a thong and all. In fact,  
Yajirobe was surprised that the people at Seattle even let the skimpy short people in. It sure  
took them a long time to get HIM in, wearing that Kami-awful mumu and all. The reality was  
that Vegeta was very good at making small yet noticeable ki blasts that scared the shit out of  
people. That and most of the staff thought that he and Krillin were great eye candy. Then again,  
so did most of the female customers, and some male ones. Especially a vertically challenged  
emperor who was drinking espresso...  
  
The group left, not noticing the white skinned boy who was following them, drooling quite  
liberally over Krillin. They all went to the nearest Greyhound bus station when they realized...  
  
"Hey, we can fly, can't we?"asked Krillin.  
"We COULD fly, but that would take away the fun of harassing passengers on a bus!"  
"You know 18, you really freak me out sometimes. And you piss me off."  
"It's not MY fault you look so good in that thong, I just wanted to make it permanent."  
"You're such a horn dog."  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
Krillin, Trunks, Vegeta, Yajirobe and the small boy behind them all shook their heads, making  
'tsk' noises respectively. It was then that Yajirobe turned around and saw the red-cheeked  
midget standing there.  
  
"Who the heck are you?"  
"My name is Chiaozu."  
  
Everyone gasped in surprise, save Trunks, who was clawing madly in a desperate attempt to kill  
the emperor, but was being held back by 18.  
  
"Oh no you don't. He hasn't done anything yet."  
  
Trunks said nothing in response, but continued to squirm like a mad dog, so much that he was  
foaming at the mouth. Chiaozu backed away out of apprehension, then spoke again.  
  
"I've followed you because-"  
"You want to screw the bald guy."  
  
Chiaozu stared at Yajirobe in shock and amazement.  
  
"How did you know?"  
"It's a long story."  
"I see. Would you mind telling me what his name is?"  
"It's Krillin."  
"Kriiiilliiiin..." said Chiaozu in a sultry manner.  
"Y-yeah?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Will Krillin leave with the young emperor because of how mean Vegeta has been lately? Will  
the rag-tag group end up taking the greyhound bus? Does Goku get out of the pink van? Will  
Trunks kill Chiaozu? What about the peasant woman? You'll have to find out next time! Let  
me know what you think, I love to hear from people!! Oh, and if you like poetry, go check out  
"A Collection Of Poetry By Moi", by me of course. It's got a bunch of different stuff, so I  
encourage you to look at it. Bye! 


	15. Bye, Bye Love

A/N: Well hello there my fine feathered friends, and welcome to the next installment of this  
ridiculous story that I write from off the top of my head. Thank you ever so much for your  
reviews, I am ever so grateful. Onward we go!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chiaozu started to walk around Krillin, opening his lips in a way that seemed to Krillin VERY sexy. Trunks was ready to strangle the pale emperor.  
  
"Krillin, I'm ever so lonely and I need someone to help me rule my empire...will you come with me?"  
  
"Er...well, you see..."  
  
"18 let me go, I'm going to kill the little shrimp!"  
  
"Oh no you're not! You owe me, therefore, you are my bitch. You do what I tell you, not the other way around."  
  
"Damn."  
  
Everyone snickered at how Trunks was so very whipped, then noticed that Chiaozu had Krillin in a rather close embrace.  
  
"Oh, Krillin, you arouse me so..."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, you're the sweetest man in the world, no, the galaxy, no...the whole wide universe."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course, silly!"  
  
Krillin pondered just what was happening here. It was all so confusing. Should he go with the emperor and help rule a kingdom? Be with someone who adored him profusely? Or should he stay with Vegeta and argue over whether Glad or Ziplock was the better brand for sandwich baggies. Not too much of a choice there.  
  
"I'd be glad to go with you. I wasn't really looking forward to riding on a bus forever anyhow."  
  
18 was slightly shocked, Yajirobe was thoroughly disgusted, Trunks was foaming at the mouth even more, making sounds not know to the universe before this time, and all the saiyajin prince could do was stand there with his jaw dangling past his knees. The two severely vertically  
challenged males walked off, hand in hand, to Chiaozu's sports cruiser. The two drove away in style, sipping on martinis, as everyone else boarded the Greyhound bus.  
  
Vegeta sprawled across two seats, his facial expression like one of a child who had just dropped his ice cream cone. He was adamant about having both of those seats, and hissed viciously when a plump child tried to sit beside him. Needless to say, the child waddled to the back of the bus, FAR AWAY from the prince.   
  
18 and Trunks sat together near the back, his hair now being taken out of the braids. The result was his hair being rather wavy, causing 18 to snicker. Trunks glared at her and she smacked him, making him cringe and whimper like a puppy. After a few minutes, he was back to  
normal...the plump child had taken pity on him and gave him some Elmer's glue. There was one thing though...it was white glue.  
  
"Do you think it will be the same?"  
  
"Trunks, why in the hell are you asking me? I didn't spend my life eating glue in a lamp! I spent it envying my brother, the ace lawyer. Stupid siblings, they suck. I wonder what he's doing right now..."  
  
17 himself had just finished constructing some ki rings, trapping Goku to his seat. He was driving along, and happy music filled the air...you see, the only CD in the van was Aqua, and 17 claimed he was "musically deprived and absolutely HAD to listen to something", not that Goku would have anything to say in the matter.  
  
"I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie Wooooorrrrrrllllld..."  
  
"17, don't sing that. It's bad enough I have to ride with you in this piece of crap you call a vehicle. You probably don't even know where we are."  
  
"Life in plastic, it's fantastic,"  
  
"Will you shut up?"  
  
"You can brush my hair, and dress me everywheeeeeeerrrrre."  
  
"AAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!"  
  
"Imagination, life is your creaaation! Come on Barbie, let's go party!"  
  
Without warning, 17 slammed on the brakes, almost causing the truck to do a midair flip. The look in his eyes was not one that Goku especially wanted to see at that moment.  
  
"Uh, 17? Why are you looking at me like that? You're scaring me."  
  
"I just thought of something..."  
  
"What something is that?"  
  
"You never had a shoot-out!"  
  
"Phew, for a second I thought you were going to-"  
  
"Seduce you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm STRAIGHT. Unlike the rest of your family. Anyways, we have to go back to the town."  
  
"WHAT??"  
  
"Well yes, you have to have a shoot-out with Sheriff Piccolo!"  
  
"Dammit, noooo!!!"  
  
Goku struggled against the ki rings holding him to his seat, but to no avail. The icy eyed lawyer android turned the delivery van right around and sped back towards the town.   
  
They had only been speeding for two minutes when a cop car came behind them, flashing its lights. In response, 17 put the pedal to the metal and went faster. The cop car then sped up to over 150 and cut 17 off, causing him to slam on the brakes once again.  
  
SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!  
  
As the steam rose from the pink van, the cop door opened to reveal none other than...  
  
SHERIFF PICCOLO!!  
  
The once white clothed Namek was now dressed up in a blue police uniform.  
  
"What gives?" cried Goku as 17 rolled down the window to talk to Piccolo.  
  
"Well you two, what gives is that you've been speeding."  
  
"What Goku means is where did the sheriff suit go?"  
  
"I've been promoted. There was no one left in that ghost town, save my old deputy. He's in the back for stealing cash. Anyways, it's Officer Piccolo now, and you have a mighty high fine to pay. Let me see your driver's license."  
  
17 searched for his license, and remembered to his dismay that he had left his wallet at home...  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What happens next? Will Goku and 17 get arrested by sheriff...no, OFFICER Piccolo? What about the others on the bus? Will Vegeta slip into extreme depression or just find another lover? All this and more, next time! Please let me know what you think, your words mean a lot to me! 


	16. You're Under Arrest!

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm glad you're all enjoying this so far! Wow! I feel so special, my insanity is being appreciated! Yay! Thanks for all your comments, each and every single one of 'em.   
Ssjskatertrunks: thanks for the hug! Here's one for you. *hugs*  
Now, let us continue with our tale of madness.  
  
I don't own Dragonballz or anything else.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
17 hit his head on the steering wheel in frustration, making the horn honk each time.  
  
"So, where's your wallet."  
  
"Say sheriff-"  
  
"That's OFFICER to you, lawyer. You can't weasel your way out of this one anyhow. I just realized that this van was reported stolen. You two are going to jail."  
  
"Hey! That's not fair! He strapped me in here!" cried an angry Goku.  
  
"You're just as much to blame, guilty by association."  
  
"You can't be an officer though, you and Goku have to have a shoot out!"  
  
Piccolo took one look in 17's crazy, shining blue eyes and had only one thing to ask...  
  
"Do you get off on this, seeing two guys duke it out?"  
  
"I'M STRAIGHT!!"  
  
Piccolo and Goku turned their heads towards each other, then broke out laughing.  
  
"Bwahahahaha!"  
  
"Heeheeheheehee...a-HEM. Anyhow, you're both under arrest."  
  
"WHAT ABOUT THE SHOOT OUT?"   
  
17 burst through the van door, almost knocking the Namekian over in the process. He soon had a vice grip on Piccolo's arm, and as for Goku, he had finally rid himself of the blasted ki rings that once held him to the seat.  
  
"I'm free, free as a bird!"  
  
Piccolo and 17 just looked at him as if he was nuts. Goku then tried to fly away, but was tackled down by 17.  
  
  
"You're not going ANYWHERE until you have a shoot out."  
  
"Officer Piccolo, get him off me!"  
  
"That's it 17, you're under arrest for grand theft auto, not having a valid drivers license, and sexual harassment."  
  
"WHAT?? YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I HAVE TO HAVE MY SHOOT-OUT!"  
  
"Tell it to the judge."  
  
Piccolo dragged the screaming and kicking raven haired android into the cop car. He threw him into the back seat where Gohan was snoozing. Piccolo drove away, lights flashing. He sure as hell didn't want anyone in his way, he had to get this psycho into a cell as quickly as possible... maybe a padded cell would be the best thing.  
  
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...  
  
"What in the hell is taking those damn bounty hunter so friggin' long? I'M HUNGRY KAMI-DAMMIT!" screamed the ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM as she paced back and forth in her chambers. Dabura then ventured a comment.  
  
"I'm sure they'll be back soon."  
  
"Oh yeah? What do you know? Nothing, that's what! All you are is a good lay!"  
  
Dabura's jaw dropped to the floor in shock.  
  
"You mean...you don't love me?"  
  
"That was a lie so I could sink my talons into your part of the universe."  
  
"You don't have talons."  
  
"Okay, fine. So I could sink my CLAWS into your part of the universe."  
  
"You don't have claws either."  
  
"IT'S AN EXPRESSION YOU MORON!! I can't believe I actually thought you had a brain. I can't stand the suspense! BABADI!!!  
  
The wrinkled, vertically challenged goat/squash looking wizard appeared before Bulma, who eyed him with her beady blue orbs.  
  
"I live to serve you, my empress, aside from aspiring to become... THE GREATEST CHEF IN THE UNIVERSE!! Buu has been SUCH a great help to me, I've never had a better assistant."  
  
"Tell someone who cares. Right now, I have a task for you."  
  
"I'm all ears."  
  
"I want you to change me into a peasant woman, make it so that no one recognizes me. I demand to be teleported to planet Earth... things are taking FAR too long, I must check on the progress of my employed bounty hunters."  
  
"All right then, here we go..."  
  
Babadi raised his hands in the air and started the ancient chant that would send the empress on her way.  
  
"...Salikadoolamitchikaboolebibidibabadiboo. Put them together and what have you got? Bibidibabadiboo! Salikadoolamiiii... mitchikaboolerooo... but the thingamabob that does the job is bibidibabidiboo, oh salikadoolemitchikaboolebibidibabidiboo. It'll do wonders believe it or not, bibidibabidi bibidibabidi bibidibabidiboo!"  
  
A huge dust cloud swirled the empress, and she felt slightly dizzy. A huge, magnificent flushing sound bellowed throughout the castle walls, and Bulma was transported to a shabbily built straw hut that was a few hectometres away from a lush and dangerous looking jungle.   
  
The empress looked in a mirror hanging on the wall, and noted that her hair and eyes had changed to a lilac colour, and that her skin no longer had the tan she had worked for years to acquire. Other than that she looked very similar than what she had before.  
  
"Well, it's Earth, no one knows of me here anyhow. OH SHIT!!"  
  
The obscenity was spoken at that particular moment because the empress realized that she had NO IDEA how to change back, OR get back to her castle.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!" she shrieked, almost causing the hut to collapse.   
  
"Dammit, dammit, dammit! What if Dabura takes over my kingdom while I'm gone? HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID??!!"  
  
Bulma, enraged at how idiotic a thing she had done, stormed out of her hut and started towards what seemed to be a highway, stretching into the far and mystical beyond of Earth... if you can call Earth mystical.  
  
On the bus, Yajirobe's girth took up two seats, and amazingly, his ass was SO HUGE that he fit comfortably on them. The no longer stinky man was dozing, his head leaning against the window, his drool sliding down it. Much to the amusement of the nearby passengers, someone was listening to the "Free Willy" theme song, and it could be heard through the headphones. It summed the lord of lard right down to a T.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So, what about the OTHERS on the bus? Goku's free now, will he high-tail it towards the jungle? What about the 'disguised' empress? (I really hope you can all realize what's going to happen next, if you can't, I'm worried about you. It's so hopelessly obvious.)  
Let me know what you think, peeps! 


	17. Abusive Androids

A/N: Hello everybody! I want to say thanks to everyone who reviewed, I feel so touched! *sniff* Anyhow, on with the story!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
On the greyhound bus, Trunks was facing a major decision in his life... should he try white glue... or stick with his regular Elmers'?   
  
"Honestly Trunks, either eat it or don't, but QUIT STARING AT IT LIKE IT'S AN ANCIENT MANUSCRIPT! IT'S ONLY GLUE!!!"  
  
"You don't have to spazz out on me."  
  
18 pulled her blond hair in frustration... why was the spandex clad saiyajin so DAMN ANNOYING? A frustrated hiss erupted from the front of the bus, and the android could see a ditzy teenage girl run away from Vegeta VERY quickly.  
  
"He must get it from his father."  
  
"Did you say something?" asked Trunks.  
  
"Not to you."  
  
"You talk to yourself? Kami, you're weird."  
  
"YOU'VE BEEN TAKING HALF AN HOUR TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO EAT GLUE! YOU'RE A FREAK!"  
  
Trunks' eyes started to water, and he got up from his seat and was about to move to the front of the bus, when 18 promptly yanked him back.  
  
"Sit. Stay."  
  
"I'm... not... your... dog." sniffled a rather distraught Trunks. His feelings had been hurt, and he didn't want to be anywhere NEAR his android slave-mistress. He quickly opened the white glue  
bottle and proceeded to guzzle it.  
  
"Do you always eat to make yourself feel better?"   
  
Trunks glared violently at 18 through the corner of his eye as he continued to squeeze the glue into his mouth. There was suddenly a swarm of people who desperately needed to go to the washroom, and Trunks couldn't figure out why.  
  
Vegeta was still moody about Krillin leaving him, and was writing hates notes to his husband on the seat in front of him with a small ki sliver.   
  
"You'll never see me again. I'll hook up with someone better than you, someone with a smaller butt. Then we'll vacation here in Venice and travel the galaxy together. Stay with your 'precious' emperor then. He'll never be as good as me."  
  
The passengers who WEREN'T running to use the lavatory decided not to interrupt Vegeta's writing aloud. No one felt like hearing him hiss again, and that glowing pen he controlled with his mind was scary, considering smoke was coming up from the seat. The driver was too baked to notice, or he would have kicked Vegeta off a LONG time ago, as well as Trunks.  
  
Meanwhile, on the highway leading to the forest...  
  
"I swear, if I see those bounty hunters, there's going to be hell to pay. They should AT LEAST be in the jungle, but there's no way in hell I'm going to walk through that death trap if they AREN'T already there."  
  
The ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM, who was now reduced to Bulma  
the lilac-haired peasant, dragged her weary feet along the paved road. She was so very tired that the yellow lines on the road were looking so very mesmerizing...  
  
SCREEEEECH!!  
  
Bulma jumped out of the way just as a transport truck rolled by. She picked herself off the ground, dusted off the leaves that she ended up rolling in, and set out on her trek once again. She saw a small cave ahead of her, and decided that she damn well needed a nap.  
  
SNNNOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEE  
  
"Finally! I'm free! That freaky android lawyer can't bother me any more!"  
  
Goku was flying high, making his way to the jungle as fast as he could.  
  
"Who knows how much further that fat excuse for a bounty hunter has travelled? What if he is ahead of me? I can't let that happen."  
  
The sexy saiyajin picked up his speed, his blood red gi rippling in the wind he created. However, his relief was short-lived, as a really, REALLY tall guy with black spandex and bulky green armour suddenly appeared in front of him.  
  
"Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but get out of my way! I have a mission!"  
  
The man remained silent.  
  
"Hello-o? Is anyone home? Is your body so big that there's no room for a brain? MOVE!!"  
  
The man, once again, remained silent.  
  
"Look here, my name is Goku, I'm the number one bounty hunter and-"  
  
"Goku... must... die." The mysterious orange haired man threw a large blast at Goku, who it missed only by a millimetre.   
  
"Why the hell do you want me dead?"  
  
"I am 16, created by Doctor Gero. My mission is to kill all those who are spawn of Bardock, the Victoria's Secret Model."  
  
"You're not 17's brother... are you?"  
  
"Yes, I am. Damn him and his smartass lawyer job. All I get is orders to kill. It's so boring. Always the same. Fire a blast, throw a few punches. No variety, no creativity. I HATE IT!!"  
  
"Why don't you stop killing?"  
  
"It's in my programming."  
  
"Can you overwrite it?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Did he program you to not be creative?"  
  
"Well... not exactly..."  
  
"Then think of a creative way to kill someone!"  
  
16 thought for a moment, when suddenly, a lightbulb appeared over his head.  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"Dr. Gero put that in so I could recognize when I have an idea. Guess how I'm gonna kill you?" asked 16, excitement etched on his normally stone-like face.  
  
"How?"  
  
"WE'RE GONNA HAVE A SHOOT-OUT!!"  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
  
Goku fled as fast as he could, only to realize to his dismay that 16 had zipped in front of him and was now holding an old-style western gun.  
  
"Asta la vista, baby."  
  
"That's not western!!"  
  
"Terminator suits me better."  
  
16 fired a shot, the deadly bullet moving closer and closer to Goku's perfectly toned and muscular chest...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What happens next? How long will Bulma snore in the cave? Will Vegeta ever get over Krillin? What about 16 and Goku? What's happening to 17 down in the jail cell (assuming he's there), is Trunks going to continue his glue binge, and will 18 ever stop belittling him? (Fat chance!) Speaking of fat chances, will Yajirobe ever be able to lift himself off the bus seat? Find out next time and remember to review, please, and go check out my poems! They're all in the same story. 


	18. Cave Of Wonders

A/N: Hey everybody, here's the next chapter! I know it took a while, but I'm really busy this time of year.   
  
I don't own Dragonballz.   
  
Enjoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"THIS IS YOUR PALACE??" cried Krillin. There before him was a large, beautiful building with at least 20 storeys and all the trimmings that a palace SHOULD have, such as fountains in every courtyard.  
  
"Yep, and you get to rule it with me."  
  
"Wow..."  
  
Krillin was dumbfounded as Chiaozu parked his sports car and led Krillin through the silver gates into the main courtyard, which not only had a fountain, but a life-sized chess board as well.   
  
"Hey sexy, you can gawk at the bishop later. For now... come with me."  
  
Excited, Krillin hastily followed Chiaozu inside the palace, optimistic of the good life he was sure to now have. However, things were not looking as cheerful were his ex-husband currently was...  
  
"If you people EVER ride on this bus line again, I'll sue you for all your worth! You'll work in sweatshops until the day you die!!"  
  
The doors of the Greyhound bus slammed shut, and the no longer stoned driver sped away with his passengers. Vegeta, being who he was, simply blasted the bus to hell.  
  
"No one, but NO ONE messes with the prince of saiyajins!"  
  
"Well, if it weren't for you acting like you were on crack, we'd still be on the damn bus!"  
  
"You're forgetting, roly-poly, that YOU were the one that sat on that old lady's cat."  
  
"I didn't know it was there! It wasn't my fault!"  
  
18 just shook her head as the prince of pudge and the prince of saiyajins kept blaming each other for why they had been kicked off the bus. Trunks had finished the entire bottle of white glue, and was now slumbering peacefully on the blond's shoulder. Finally, she had enough.  
  
"SHUT UP!!"  
  
Yajirobe shut his mouth rather quickly, but Vegeta just started in on 18.  
  
"You're telling ME to shut up? I am the prince of saiyajins and YOU are just a worthless penny whore disguised as a fortune teller! Because of you, I have to walk around in a THONG wherever I go! You bitch! I'm never going to shut up! Never! Mwuahahahahahaha!!   
Mwuhahahahaha! Muhahah-"  
  
Vegeta fell unconscious onto the ground after a swift punch from 18.  
  
"Kami, why do I surround myself with idiots? Oh yeah, to steal all of Yajirobe's reward when he's not looking in the end."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Oh, nothing my rotund friend, nothing at all." 18's face curled up in a huge smirk that somewhat resembled that of the Grinch, causing Yajirobe to worry. "C'mon Bessie, you drag Vegeta, I'll carry Trunks as far as we can. It's getting dark, so we might not make it too far.   
There's no way we'll make it to the jungle."  
  
"Right."  
  
The two dragged/carried the saiyajins over what seemed to be an endless highway. Soon, darkness settled in, but it was clear, so they trekked on, Yajirobe leaving behind a gargantuous trail of perspiration.  
  
"Yo, sir fatty, there's a cave here. Let's stop. I'm tired and there's clouds moving in."   
  
As soon as 18 had finished her sentence, rain poured down on the unfortunate four. Meanwhile, further down the highway...  
  
Goku gave his oh-so-deliciously-sexy-and-divine smirk, and caught the bullet in his right hand. Keep in mind, the bullet was REALLY slow, and this is actually happening at the same time as what is happening to the other characters. Goku, being stupid, didn't dodge the bullet, and  
wasted a LOT of time.  
  
"Looks like you're outta luck, tin man."  
  
"NOOOOO!! THE RAIN! WATER, MY POISON HATH ATTACKETH!"   
  
"Attacketh?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"  
  
16's body was quickly covered by a reddish brown rust, and it fell to the ground, shattering on impact.  
  
"That was bizarre. Great. Now it's raining. I KNEW I should have stopped at that cave."  
  
Goku zoomed through the air, faster than the speed of... well... a lot of things, and then saw...  
  
THE END OF THE HIGHWAY!!!  
  
"YES!" cheered the muscle-bound saiyajin, doing a small victory dance in the air. He dove down and landed promptly on the ground, noticing the vast, dense jungle before him and the small hut nearby.  
  
"I'll stay there tonight, I don't really feel like sleeping in the rain. Note to self: stop talking to myself!!"  
  
Goku went inside the crude building and instantly fell asleep, before he even landed on the floor.   
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"My head hurts... what the hell happened?" wondered the prince of saiyajins aloud. Gazing at his surroundings, he found himself inside a cave, with Yajirobe, 18 and his future son sleeping in various places.  
  
"Stupid bitch must've knocked me out." he grumbled.  
  
To his surprise, he heard some feminine mumbling nearby. Strangely, it wasn't from 18. It sounded quite different, and the android's lips weren't even moving. Confused and curious, Vegeta took it upon himself to search the cavern.   
  
He took twists and turns, tunnels and pathways, and at some point he was almost certain that he was actually walking in circles, only he was upside down, and the walls seemed to twist and turn.  
  
"Did the android inject me with acid or what? Everything's really trippy, and that's not good for me right now."  
  
Trying not to fall over, Vegeta finally stepped into a room which was seemingly normal, except for that fact that a young woman was sleeping on the floor, mumbling to herself. When the saiyajin got closer, she started to snore rather loudly. Vegeta covered his ears, and to his shock, he realized that this was the lilac haired peasant woman that Trunks was trying to make sure he didn't sleep with.  
  
Well, that wouldn't be a problem, he was completely gay... or was he?   
  
A large yawn was heard, and Vegeta found himself looking into deep purple eyes that made him feel as if he were tripping out all over again.  
  
"Who the hell are you?"  
  
"What do you mean, who the hell am I? I'm prince Vegeta you ignorant peasant!"  
  
"Who are you calling peasant?"   
  
Vegeta started snickering, and it was then that Bulma remembered what she looked like and where she was.  
  
"Shit."  
  
"By any chance, do you know a crazy old raisin magician named Babadi?"  
  
Bulma felt like a deer in headlights, but made no move to show anything about her identity.  
  
"Do you know a fat bounty hunter named Yajirobe?"  
  
"What if I did?"  
  
"Well do you or don't you?" asked Bulma, her voice raising a couple decibels. It was then that Vegeta saw a generous amount of the lilac-haired woman's cleavage, and was starting to rethink  
his sexuality.  
  
"Maybe I'm bisexual..."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The plot thickens indeed! You'll have to wait to figure out what happens next, although it's very obvious for the most part. I will tell you what happened to 17 in the next chapter, I promise. Review! 


	19. Ace Lawyer? Not Anymore!

Hey y'all! Thanks for the comments on last chapter, glad you liked it! Here's the next chapter, and you all SHOULD know what happens next, to some extent at least, if you were paying ATTENTION!! Anyhow, let's go off into the madness!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"You have no business prying into MY affairs, I'm the prince of saiyajins! Oh, wait, you wouldn't know, would you? You're just a pathetic earthling who knows nothing about the other parts of the universe. My mistake, I forgot."  
  
"How DARE you!"  
  
"Oooh, I'm so scared, I'm gonna die, somebody save me!" mocked Vegeta.   
Bulma began boiling with rage, and let her pent up emotions come out in a fiery kiss on the saiyajin prince's lips. Vegeta responded eagerly, and everything became trippy all over again...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SSSSNOOOOOOOOORRRRRE ZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzZZZZZZZzzz SNOOOOOORRRE  
  
Vegeta clasped his hands over his ears, trying to block out the lilac-haired girl's snoring. It was really bad, and Vegeta feared he would get brain damage. Still, to him, it was worth it.  
  
"She was damn good. Awesome even, but... I still miss Krillin. No I don't! Well... maybe... no! I don't miss that short, fatassed, cute, sexy... AAAAAARRRGH!!"  
  
In the other part of the cave, Trunks, 18 and Yajirobe (but not Bulma) woke to the sound of Vegeta's high pitched shrieking. They soon saw Vegeta, who bounded in, picked up 18 and hauled her out the door, and told everyone to get their asses in gear.  
  
"We're going to find that damn fry-pan-princess if it's the last thing we do, or I'm not the prince of saiyajins!"  
  
"Put me down or else."  
  
"Or else what, Tin Lizzy?" (That was the name of the Model T car back in the 1920's produced by Henry Ford. See what history does to me??)  
  
"Or else you'll be in a world of pain."  
  
Vegeta set the femme fatale down, not wanting to be unconscious again. The four set out on their trek towards the jungle, Yajirobe lagging behind because of his weight. Meanwhile, somewhere in a distant part of the universe...  
  
POOF!  
  
Bulma appeared back in her throne, still nude from her night with Vegeta. Being THE ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM, she didn't really care, so long as her normal hair and eye colours were back. Sure enough, they were. Well, she didn't care until she woke up.  
  
"Thank goodness I'm back... but damn, I didn't get anything on those bounty hunters! They had better get back here with that fry-pan-princess. Radditz!"  
  
Radditz ran into the throne room wearing a sparkly green dress.  
  
"Yes, empress?"  
  
"Go get me a bathrobe. It's chilly in here."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And make sure to practice your posing. We have a mechanic coming by to check our generator soon."  
  
"Absolutely, your evilness."  
  
"Excellent." said Bulma, sounding strangely like Montgomery Burns.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"We the jury, find 17, ace lawyer and android fighter, guilty of grand theft auto, sexual harassment, mental abuse of both a police officer, and child abuse."  
  
BANG!  
  
Judge Garlic Jr. banged his gavel soundly, and two burly officers started to drag 17 out of the courtroom.  
  
"Child abuse? I don't even have any children! How could I be charged with child abuse?"  
  
"You were so mean to meee!"  
  
Gohan started to sob, and he blew his nose in Piccolo's blue uniform, much to the Namek's disgust.  
  
"I'LL HAVE MY SHOOT OUT! YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL PAY DEARLY!! YOU'LL ALL  
PAY!!!"  
  
Sweat drops and worried expressions were rampant as 17 screamed and kicked, trying to break free from the grasp of the security officers.  
  
"Must... have... shoot out... must... have shoot out..." he repeated, over and over, his head jerking to the left at every word, his mouth foaming.   
  
Two hours later he was wearing a striped black and white uniform, with a cylindrical cap on his head, and he was locked in a cell with Pan. Now, if you remember, Pan was the crazy girl that the OTHER group had met in the big metropolis. Why was she put in a male jail instead of a  
mental institution?  
  
"Hi there! I guess you're my new cell mate... hard to port captain! Them dust bunnies is sure to eat our ship!... I scared the people in my white padded cell, so they put me here. Hey, do ya know what tastes really good?"  
  
"Do I want to know?"  
  
"Aquafresh and cocaine!! Hehehehehe... the creamy flavour of fluoride and the grittiness of drugs... what a perfect combination, a match made in heaven!"  
  
Pan gave a huge, toothy smile, and 17 rolled into the fetal position.  
  
"Wanna try some?"  
  
Pan held out a container that was red, green and white, mixed with bits of white powder by 17. The android suddenly snapped out of his rocking, and an evil grin spread across his face.  
  
"Pan, I need you to do me a favour."  
  
"You're ugly. No way."  
  
"NOT THAT KIND OF FAVOUR!!"  
  
"Oh yea, that's right... they were talkin' about how you were goin' to court for harassin' a man."  
  
"That's not true! But anyways, can you start screaming? It doesn't matter what, just scream loud enough so the guards have to come in here."  
  
"You WANT the guards to come in here? You've got some real sick fetishes going on... I have a pork chop in Switzerland, a slice of brie in Zulu, some lovely jambalaya off in CA-NA-DA! Sure, I'll help you. It'll be fun!"  
  
"Riiight... scream away then."  
  
17 hoped the guard would come quickly, this girl was just nuts.   
  
"WE ALL LIVE IN THE YELLOW SUBMARINE, THE YELLOW SUBMARINE, THE YELLOW SUBMARINE. WE ALL LIVE IN THE YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!!"  
  
17 could see the guard racing towards his cell.  
  
"Perfect. They'll open the door and I'll knock them out and I'll fly through the roof after blasting a hole through it! Hey... why didn't I think of that while I was in the courtroom? Shit, I'm dumb."  
  
"THERE SHE WAS JUST A WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET SAYIN' DOO-WAH-DIDDY-  
DIDDY-DUM-DIDDY DOO!!! TAPPIN' HER FINGERS AN' LISTENIN' TO THE BEAT  
SINGIN-"  
  
"Shut up crazy ass bitch! Don't make us come in there!" yelled a pissed off looking guard.  
  
"CAAAAAAN YOU FEEEEEEL THE LOOOOOOVE TOONIIIIIIIGHT, IT IS WHEEEEERE  
WEEEEE AAAAAAARRRRRREEEE... IT'S ENOOOOOUUUUGH, TO MAKE KIIINGS AND VAGABOOOOOOONNNNNDS... BELIIIIIIEEEEEEVE WEEE GOT THIIIIS FAAAAAAARRRR!"  
  
"Aaah!" screamed the guard.  
  
The guard opened the door, and 17 raced out like lightning, flew up to the roof and went through it, not even bothering to punch or blast a whole. There was only one thing on his mind...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
What's on the now psychotic android's mind? Where's Goku? Now that Vegeta admits he misses Krillin, will he forgive his bald headed husband? Will he ever see him again? Will anyone EVER find the fry-pan-princess? Find out next time and let me know what you all think! 


	20. Jungle Fever

A/N: Well, here it is folks! The new-fangled insane-filled chapter! Thanks goes out to all the reviewers so far. You are too kind. On with the fic!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Must... have... shoot out... must have shoot out... wait! I can't have my shoot out without officer Piccolo!"  
  
17 touched the ground and hid behind the cop cruiser that Piccolo was nearing. When the Namekian put his key in to unlock the car, 17 sprang on him, knocked him out with a kick to the head, and flew away with him slung over his shoulder. Meanwhile, in a small little hut close to  
the jungle...  
  
"YAAAAAWWNNN... how long have I been sleeping? That fat excuse for a bounty hunter could be ahead of me by now! Then again, with the rain... he probably isn't. What's that smell?"  
  
Goku sniffed the air, the hut, the floor and then himself. It was the last sniffing that he realized where the problem was.  
  
"I really need a shower."  
  
Goku searched the entire hut, but, being the crude hut that it was, there wasn't even a bucket to gather water with.   
  
"To hell with it. I'm sure there'll be a shallow pool in the jungle."  
  
So, the sexy saiyajin set off into the dense foliage, and started to hum a lovely tune, feeling completely at ease. Of course, being the nincompoop he sometimes is, Goku didn't remember about the dangers that accompanied this tropical forest...  
  
"Seize him!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A few hours later, Goku had managed to rid himself of his bindings and kill every last vampiric toucan that was in sight. It got to the point where any speck of bright colours drove the bounty hunter into the fetal position, after he blasted whatever may have been there to smithereens.  
  
"Damn toucans... tried to suck my blood..."  
  
A baboon with a bright butt happened to stroll by, and Goku screamed and incinerated it immediately.  
  
"Why me? Why me?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"We made it! We're at the jungle! Yeehaw!" exclaimed Yajirobe, jumping into the air. His flubber seemed to do a victory dance all on its own.  
  
"Indeed we have, Michelin Man, indeed we have."  
  
"Shut up android."  
  
"Still PMSing Vegeta?"  
  
"I DON'T PMS!!" screamed the thong-clad saiyajin. He cleared his throat in an almost ladylike way, and then continued. "Anyways, you control how long I wear this damn scrap of clothing, right?"  
  
"Why yes... I made the wish, what's your point."  
  
"I can't go into a damn rainforest wearing a thong!"  
  
"Aren't rainforests humid and hot?"  
  
"No one asked you, purple-haired whore."  
  
Trunks' mouth was agape in shock, and 18 simply wrapped her arms around his torso, pulling him close.  
  
"Oh yeah? He's MY whore Vegeta. Your future son is my whore. Oh, and for making him feel bad, you can stay in that thong for a LONG time."  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
Yajirobe started to snicker at Vegeta, but ceased when a large ki beam was practically shoved in his face. The quartet started to walk through the jungle, swerving their heads this way and that at every new sound. Monkeys, birds of all sorts, even something that sounded like an armadillo on crack, at least, that's how 18 put it.  
  
FWAPFWAPFWAPFWAPFWAP!  
  
The crew ducked as a large flock of toucans with blood red eyes tried to swoop down on them.  
  
"WHAT ARE THOSE?" screamed Trunks, cowering in fear and desperately searching for a pack of Elmers to calm his frazzled nerves.  
  
"Well, according to the legend of the fry-pan-princess... those would be the vampiric toucans." said Yajirobe matter-of-factly."  
  
Then, everyone looked at each other, eyes wide in fear.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHH!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Must... have... shoot out..."  
  
17, no longer ace lawyer (still a lawyer, but just not an ace. He lost his own trial!) yet still android fighter walked slowly down the paved road. He had become exhausted from flying, it was as if he needed something, some sort of fuel.  
  
"Why... am... I... so... damn... weak? It's not like Gero programmed me to need any kind of energy... or did he?"  
  
~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~  
  
"Remember 17, if you ever feel weak and dizzy, all you need is love."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"All you need is love!"  
  
"You have really got to stop watching Moulin Rouge."  
  
"All you need is LOOOOOOOOVE..."  
  
"My virgin ears!"  
  
"Okay, seriously, if you ever feel weak and dizzy, find an alligator and eat it."  
  
"Alligators only live on Earth."  
  
"That's the only planet you should have troubles on... WE COULD BE HEROES... IF JUST FOR ONE DAY..."  
  
"I'm outta here."  
  
"How wonderful life is... now that you're in the world!"  
  
"Aaaaah!"  
  
~*~*END FLASHBACK*~*~  
  
"Where... the hell... am I... gonna find... a fricken... alligator... on a highway??!!"  
  
17's vision slowly became hazy, and as the steam rose from the asphalt, 17 was almost SURE he saw a trace of green scales before he fainted...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"KAMEYAMEYA!!!!"  
  
Yet another brightly coloured animal that WASN'T a vampiric toucan bit the dust. It might have been a snake, it might have been a mongoose, but whatever it was, Goku didn't leave a cell of it behind.  
  
"Toucans... at every turn! I must keep a close lookout... and not let my rival get ahead of me! Why am I talking to myself? Didn't I resolve not to do that? AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"  
  
18, Yajirobe, Vegeta and Trunks ran through the dense brush, screaming and flailing their hands like idiots whilst the flock of vampiric toucans pursued them. They ran, and ran, and ran and ran and ran and ran.   
  
"TOOOOUUUUKKKEEEE!!!"   
  
The evil cry of the birds rang through the forest, and our heroes... wait, nope, these guys aren't heroes, they're heartless bitches out for cash who'd kill all the others for it. Let me try again.  
  
The evil cry of the birds rang through the forest, and our villains... wait, nope, they aren't really VILLAINS, that would be Bulma, Dabura and some of the others. I'll get it right this time, I promise.  
  
The evil cry of the birds rang through the forest, and our main characters... I guess that'll just have to do. Our main characters saw... a tree house. Quickly they scrambled up the ladder made of bamboo, shoving each other out of the way in a desperate attempt to be away from the bloodsucking birds. They piled in and slammed the makeshift door there, blocking the toucans from entry. A huge, collective sigh of relief was shared, at least until they saw just who was there...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Just who exactly WAS there? Will 17 wake up? Did he actually see an alligator? What other horrors await in this tropical nightmare? Find out next time! Please let me know what you think! 


	21. They Were Smart Penguins

A/N: Hey everybody! I'm feeling rather crappy at the moment as I write this, so when that happens, I find writing humour cheers me up. Not all too sure why, you'd think I'd be writing angst, but I think I've spent all my misery and woes up writing in my diary. Anyhow, thanks for the reviews and enjoy this chappy!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz, Elmer's, or anything else for that matter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Goku sped through the dense jungle at a rapid rate, deathly afraid of all that was colourful. Suddenly, there was a clearing, and the muscle-bound saiyajin found himself staring at a magnificent castle on top of what could only be Mount Fry-Pan.  
  
"Yes!! I did it! I made it... wait a second... isn't there supposed to be a monster around here someplace?"  
  
Goku looked around warily, those toucans hade certainly ruffled his feathers, and a monster was certainly NOT something he wanted to particularly deal with at this point. He heard... nothing. He saw... the mountain and the blue sky. He smelled... something horrible, probably a warthog fart.   
  
"I guess the monster's at the top of the mountain, guarding their home. Once I kill it, I'll be free to capture the fry-pan-princess, and maybe grab a lasagna or two while I'm at it. Then, I'll get the reward, seduce Bulma and toss Dabura out into space where he'll shrivel up like a raisin! Unless of course demons don't need to breathe, but I'm pretty sure they do.   
  
"I'm talking to myself again!! AAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!"  
  
After screaming at himself, the handsome man clothed in a blood red gi began his ascent by flight up towards the castle atop Mount Fry-Pan.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I always thought he was just a horrible tale told by my evil mother who caged me, but it's all true..." Trunks clutched 18 in terror, and started hyperventilating because of the lack of glue.   
  
"I never knew anyone could grow, like, such a large afro man." Yajirobe stood there in shock, slightly apprehensive.  
  
"Oh shit! Who's dumbass idea was this anyways?"  
  
"Yours, oh prince of scantiness."  
  
"Shut the hell up, android, do you have any idea who this is?"  
  
"Of course I do! I'm not a complete IDIOT. Unfortunately, my stupid brother had to be an ace lawyer! Damn him! Damn him a thousand times until he collapses on the ground, weeping, sobbing, praising his twin sister!"  
  
"Jealousy is a terrible thing, and I bet you're all jealous of me because... I'M THE STRONGEST IN THE WORLD!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!"  
  
The four hastily jumped out of the tree house, leaving Hercule Sataan alone with his soap collection with pieces shaped like Jane Goodall and other nature buffs. Obviously, the man never used them for their actual purpose of cleansing onself, but he did talk to them.  
  
"Well Janey, at least we had some company for a few seconds. I hope Aphezto gets back here soon. I miss that alligator.   
  
"Did I ever tell you when I beat twenty polar bears single handedly? No? Well, I'll tell you. I was surrounded on all sides, and my audience was rapt with attention. So what if they were only penguins? They were smart penguins, because they knew that I'M THE STRONGEST IN THE WORLD!! So anyways, I punched the one bear..."  
  
Five minutes later, the quartet was huffing and puffing... well, Yajirobe was anyway, and they had finally escaped the horrible sound of Hercule's endless bragging away to his soap collection.  
  
"My virgin ears..."  
  
"Like you'd ever be a virgin, Vegeta."  
  
No sooner than the words fell from the largely girthed man's lips, Vegeta was banging Yajirobe's skull against a coconut tree, and the brown fruit (a coconut's a fruit, right?) fell on Vegeta's head, splitting on impact.  
  
"Somebody's ego's a little too large there."  
  
Vegeta just growled as the blond android snickered at her own joke. He would have to put up with the torture if he ever wanted to be fully clothed again. Sadly, it didn't look as though that would be happening anytime soon for the saiyajin prince.  
  
"Great flame-haired one!"  
  
Vegeta whipped his flame-haired head around to see who the hell dared to talk to him in such a rude manner, and to his amazement, saw a tiny male fairy dressed in brown coconut skin, white coconut flesh, and it had small pieces of green coconut leaves for wings. Unlike most fairies, this one was fat, dark-skinned and had bright red lips that only belonged on a street whore.  
  
"Who the hell are you?"  
  
"My name is Popo, and I am the coconut fairy of this forest! I was taking a nap several millennia ago, and when I woke up, I was trapped inside this coconut! I am forever in your debt for you have saved my sanity."  
  
"Riight..."  
  
Vegeta was seriously starting to wonder if this was just some cracked out dream, and was also desperately hoping it was, because then he'd wake up beside his big butted bald beauty, also known as Krillin. Suddenly, it occurred to him that this encounter with the fairy could be advantageous.  
  
"Can you reverse spells?"  
  
"Hmm." The tiny being thought for a moment, wrinkles appearing in his brow as Vegeta grew more and more impatient as each nanosecond went by, as he always seems to do. "It depends who cast it."  
  
"A genie."  
  
"I'm sorry, but a genie has much more power than I."  
  
"Haha!! Sucker!!" 18 cackled gleefully, causing Trunks' eyes to go wide, and Yajirobe... to continue eating the broken coconut. He was famished, and 18's crazy behaviour was like second nature to him now, so he tolerated it easily.  
  
"Can you cast spells?"  
  
"Of course! But nothing too powerful, I mainly watch over the rainforest and make sure the plants grow, the sun shines, it rains..."  
  
As if on cue, a large peal of thunder echoed throughout the canopy and the saiyajin prince, his son from the future, the rotund bounty hunter, the perverse femme fatale and the fat fairy found themselves drenched immediately.  
  
"It rains a lot."  
  
"No shit."  
  
"You don't have to be so rude!"  
  
"I'm your father, I can do whatever the hell I want!"  
  
"You're not ACTUALLY my father, you're my father from the past. I'm not going to be born in this time line, remember?"  
  
Vegeta remembered all right, he remembered how there was no protection whatsoever when he had coupled with that loudmouthed lilac-haired peasant, and how she seemed to think she was higher than him for some strange reason. It was also odd how she knew of Yajirobe's profession  
as a bounty hunter.  
  
"There's no way it could be her."  
  
Trunks' face was one of confusion. "I didn't catch that, you were mumbling."  
  
"It wasn't meant for you to hear."  
  
"Are you talking to yourself?"  
  
"Is there something WRONG with talking to oneself, you fat piece of crap?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all!" whimpered Yajirobe as Vegeta was ready snap back a tree and let it thwack Yajirobe far away and beyond.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
How'd ya like it? Don't worry, you'll find out what happens to 17 next chapter. What is the horrible monster lurking at the top of Mount-Fry-Pan? Will Vegeta realize that he actually created Trunks without realizing it at the time? Will 18 ever decide that he doesn't have to wear his thong anymore? And what about Krillin and Chiaozu? You'll have to find out! Let me know what you think peeps! 


	22. Olypmic Dreams

A/N: Hey people! Here's the next chapter, thanks for the reviews, you guys are awesome! Over 60... Anyways, on with the insanity!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When 17 awoke, a pair of yellow, glassy eyes with catlike slits greeted his vision.  
  
"Not now love, I'm tired. Give me a chance to rest. Hey... I've never had any lovers with eyes that looked like a cat's..."  
  
The android's vision became less blurry, and he finally realized the predicament he was in.  
  
"Shit! An alligator!"  
  
The black haired former ace lawyer flew back as the alligator's jaw barely missed chewing his head off.  
  
"Come back!"  
  
"You can talk? Alligators on Earth aren't supposed to talk!"  
  
"Says who?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
"Anyways, my name is Aphezto, and I'm going to eat you."  
  
"No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. I'm 17, fighter android, and I'm going to eat YOU to get my strength back."  
  
"Hey, aren't you the lawyer who lost his own trial?"  
  
"Shut up!!"  
  
"Yeah, I heard you were a jailbird, but it looks like you've flown the coop. What's that yellow light in your hands?"  
  
"It's... a flashlight!"  
  
"It's the middle of the afternoon."  
  
"I have bad eyesight."  
  
Before Aphezto could say anything more, 17 fricasseed the alligator with a carefully controlled ki blast, making sure not to burn the skin. He hated burnt skin on meat more than anything. Amazingly, the cooked alligator smelled absolutely delicious.  
  
"Yum..."  
  
17 began to scarf down the reptile as fast as he could, eating every single piece he could. Poor Aphezto didn't even have his eyes left, 17 was so ravenous. After 17 picked his teeth with Aphezto's ribs, he felt an incredible surge of energy, and then remembered that he had kidnapped Piccolo.  
  
"Where is that Namekian cop anyhow?" he mused, worried that he might have woken up and flown away or something to that effect. Luckily for him, Piccolo was still unconscious, on the highway. Apparently Aphezto didn't eat Namekians.  
  
"Hahaha. I will have my shoot out after all! Now, after Goku!!"  
  
17 slung Piccolo over his shoulder and took off like a rocket, giddy with his newfound energy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chiaozu sat on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette, whilst Krillin rested his head on a pillow, panting like a dog after a really long walk.  
  
"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" breathed Chiaozu.  
  
"Hell yes."  
  
"Do you want to do it again?"  
  
"Oh Kami yes... but not now. I'm tired."  
  
"All right. How about ten o'clock tonight?"  
  
"Baby yes, you know I like them dark hours."  
  
"So we'll try the Stairmaster again at that time?"  
  
"Of course... but how can you exercise properly if you smoke?"  
  
Chiaozu sighed a tad, then his eyes watered over. He started bawling loudly, and Krillin rushed over to comfort his newfound exercise partner and lover.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I could have been an Olympic champion... back when I was younger, I was going to be a long distance runner, but then... I joined up with some people... they convinced me to smoke... AND NOW I'LL NEVER GET THE GOLD METAL!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"  
  
"Now then, stop this nonsensical crying. You're an EMPEROR for Kami's sake. You could OWN the Olympics, and you could pay for all the gold medals you wanted."  
  
"Really?" the red cheeked emperor sniffled.  
  
"Really."  
  
"Even the bronze and silver medals?"  
  
"Of course baby."  
  
Chiaozu smiled and pounced on Krillin, where the two started to have a little 'quality time' if you know what I mean.  
  
"Um, no offense Chiaozu, but, uh... do you have a magnifying glass?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Goku flew, and flew, and flew and flew and flew and flew, when he FINALLY reached the top of Mount Fry-Pan.  
  
"YEEEEEAAAAH! Who's the man? Who's the man? I'm the man! Me, Goku! I'm the man!"  
  
"And a very sexy man you are at that."  
  
"Of course - hey, where's that voice coming from?"  
  
"Come closer my meaty manly man."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"Walk forwards twenty paces."  
  
Goku stepped ahead twenty paces, eager to see the body of the wonderful, womanly voice he could hear across the distance. She would certainly have to be beautiful. No one with a voice like that could be ugly... or could they?  
  
"Okay... I've walked ahead twenty paces, what do I do now?"  
  
"Close your eyes."  
  
"But I want to see you!"  
  
"You will, just co-operate with me here, jeez. Can't people ever follow instructions?"  
  
"FINE."  
  
Goku shut his eyelids and stood there, the anxiety growing as nothing seemed to happen. Then, he heard footsteps, which got louder, and louder. Suddenly as pair of sensuous lips were pressed to his, and Goku proceeded to ravish them. The mystery woman clung onto the well-built saiyajin, who in return grabbed her behind.  
  
Curiosity, however, had grabbed a hold of poor Goku and just would not let go. So, he opened his eyes to see the luscious woman before him and...  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
17 looked around, puzzled, confused and hyper.   
  
"Who in the hell could have possibly screamed so loud? And so HIGH? Oh well."  
  
The android turned to Piccolo, his jet black hair sweeping over the Namek's unconscious form.   
  
"Soon, Sheriff, soon I will have my shoot out, and no one can stop me!! Mwuhahahaha! Mwuhahahaha! I really must build a submarine lair."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Who on earth could have made such a terrible noise? My poor trees are cringing."  
  
The group looked upon Popo the fairy as if he was nuts, except for Trunks who was going insane over the absence of glue.  
  
"No, this can't be happening... I couldn't have run out! I have to have more, there's got to be a pocket in here SOMEWHERE!!"  
  
"Look boy, that's a saiyajin suit. It's made of spandex, and there are NO pockets. I have no idea where you got the glue from before."  
  
Trunks' eyes went wide at Vegeta's words, and he started to bawl like a sissy.  
  
"WAAAAAA-mmph!"  
  
18 effectively cut off Trunks' noise with a kiss, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief, at least until the horrible scream was heard, AGAIN.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The sound of Goku's screaming shook Hercule's tree house, causing the soap carving of Jane Goodall to fall off the table and break in two.  
  
"Noo! Janey, speak to me, tell me you're still there!"  
  
A mournful silence filled the hut, bringing Hercule to tears.  
  
"I will avenge you Janey! Whoever screamed shall know my wrath, and don't think I can't do it, because... I'M THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ya like? I certainly do hope so. Let me know what you think, all comments/criticisms are accepted, but don't waste my time and yours with "you suck" or "your fic sucks" without a valid explanation or proof. I'm perfectly fine if you find I suck, but at least give me some evidence of this fact. Bye! 


	23. The Horrid Monster Atop Mount Fry Pan

A/N: Hello people! Thanks for all the reviews, they mean so much to me... *sniff*. On with the madness!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Goku jumped backwards with such a tremendous force that he almost fell off the mountain. He sat there, at the edge, whimpering and clenching his eyes shut, but to no avail. The gorgeous saiyajin could still see the horrible sight before him, even with his sight cut off.  
  
A rather feminine man with jet-black hair that reached his butt stood there, wearing a glittery dress that went down to mid-thigh, leaving Goku with a view of his very hairy legs. The mystery man had a long purple scarf that didn't match the forest green dress all that well. He had an incredible amount of rouge, both on his lips and cheeks. His eyes gave Goku the impression of a drag queen. His hands were small and petite, his arms hairy and his face adorned a scar that ran along the side of his right cheek.  
  
"Dammit, this ALWAYS happens. I told you not to look, but did you listen? NooOOOooo. You had to go peek. Why is everyone so afraid of me? I'm the most beautiful creature existing on this planet, goddammit!"  
  
Goku finally got the courage to open his eyelids, and shuddered at the sight before him. Seeing the scar, he suddenly recognized the ugly cross dresser across the way.  
  
"Yamucha! You used to be a burger flipper out at that fast food place by Vegetasei before it closed down."  
  
The scarred man turned his head around sharply and glared at Goku. If looks could kill, the world would have collapsed.  
  
"Don't say that name! It's no longer my name! No one should know it's me! I used to be so ugly... but after Korin gave me this make-over... I've been so much better looking... I even got a job because of it."  
  
"Well, it sure looks like Korin's work..." Goku shuddered at the mental image of Korin in the saloon girl dress invading his mind. Then something hit him. "What do you mean by 'used to be'?"  
  
"Obviously a fighter like you has too few brain cells to appreciate my true beauty."  
  
Goku suddenly had a coughing fit, which sounding suspiciously to Yamucha like a cover for insults. Surprisingly, Goku was actually having a coughing fit... it was from the excess of cheap perfume that adorned Yamucha's body, which smelled DISGUSTING when mixed with the transvestite's body odour.  
  
"Anyways, I got this job guarding the Fry-Pan-Princess many years ago, and I get paid real swell!"  
  
"Swell?"  
  
"What, are you too stupid to understand that word?"  
  
"No, just that it's extremely outdated. By the way, is there perchance a monster lurking around the castle?"  
  
"Of course not!" sputtered an indignant Yamucha. The muscle bound saiyajin then realized that this horrid atrocity of a man was, indeed, the monster guarding the castle.  
  
"I see... I have to go see the Fry-Pan-Princess."  
  
"I can't let you do that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Strict orders... no one goes in."  
  
"No one?"  
  
"Well..." Yamucha sauntered up to a rather puzzled Goku, who turned scared as he wrapped a leg around the saiyajin's. "I suppose we could work something out..." Yamucha brushed his hand against Goku's face, petting it like one would a cat. "...for a price."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Goku ran from Yamucha so fast that he actually left an imprint of himself in the castle walls. Even his hair made a cut through the silver brick. Yes, silver... the entire fortress was made of it, as well as some cherry wood for intricacies.   
  
"Oh shit... I'm gonna lose my job for this... woe is me!"  
  
Yamucha sobbed on the mountaintop, his tears making his mascara run down his face, and his makeup smear.  
  
"I KNEW I should have used waterproof mascara."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"There's that damn scream again. What is up with that?"   
  
Krillin was growing uneasy, the high pitched screams were wearing down on his comfort level, not to mention his libido. In fact, he and Chiaozu had to stop their 'activities' because the noseless fighter was so troubled.  
  
"Krillin hun, it's probably the baboons off in the jungle or something. Come to bed."  
  
"It sounded so human... and it came from further away, I know it. I just KNOW it."  
  
"Just let it go... I want you, come here."  
  
Out of nowhere, Krillin suddenly snapped.  
  
"Sex, sex, sex! That's all you ever thing about! Well I'm sick of it, and sick of you! You don't give a damn about me at all! I might as well be your pleasure slave!"  
  
The thong-clad warrior picked up a rather large, expensive drawer and threw it across the room, breaking the chandelier above the two vertically challenged lovers.  
  
"I'm leaving, my husband was far better to me than you EVER were. Sure, we had our disagreements... why the hell were we fighting over how to cook Kraft Dinner anyways? Well, anyhow, at least he cares about me!"  
  
"You'll never find anyone who can give you the passion that I can!"  
  
"He's so much higher than you when it comes to sex, and in fact, it's not sex, it's LOVEMAKING, because I love him, and he loves me!"  
  
With that said, Krillin stormed out of the palace, and had almost gone out of the palace, when he realized he had forgotten something.  
  
"I have GOT to try out that chess board before I leave."  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"We made it! We're out of that jungle! No more vampiric toucans, no more Hercule, and best of all, NO SNAKES TRYING TO GET INTO MY THONG!!"  
  
The entire group all turned their heads away from Vegeta, raising their eyes in worry. It didn't last long though, for everyone was giddy at the prospect that they had reached Mount Fry-Pan.   
  
"Dude, how are we going to get up there?" wondered Yajirobe aloud.  
  
"Well, Sir Flabby, I can fly, Vegeta can fly... Popo can fly but he can't carry anyone... um, Trunks, can you fly?"  
  
"...it's gone... how will I live? Why, why do you forsake me oh great God of glue? I have always been faithful... no other brands have I tasted... why? It's not fair..."  
  
"Well I wouldn't trust him flying, even if he CAN. Vegeta, you carry Yajirobe, I'll take Trunks, and Popo can go up on his own."  
  
"That's very kind of you, but I can't go with you." said the coconut fairy, who had guided them out of the jungle.  
  
"Why not?" asked 18, who had really become fond of the fat mythical creature... and also very fond of coconuts, of which Popo had an endless supply.  
  
"I must stay in the jungle and protect it, make sure the weather patters go properly, and I also act as a midwife for many of the animals."  
  
"Midwife?" asked Trunks, confused about the subject and finally acting as if he had some sanity.  
  
"I'll tell you when you're older."  
  
"But 18..." he whined.  
  
"Quit whining! And nobody else explain it to him either."  
  
The lavender-haired half breed began sulking, just as Popo bade them farewell and flew off back to the tropical forest, brown coconut skin falling off him as he flew.   
  
"That fairy needs a damn brassiere for his OWN coconuts."  
  
"That's not very nice Vegeta!"  
  
"It wasn't very nice for you to wish me into indecency either, ANDROID!"  
  
18 shrugged. "Oh well. It's darn fun though." She grinned, openly appraising Vegeta's form. The poor saiyajin wished he was back in the jungle with leaves to hide him, then remembered the snakes and took back the wish. Fate could be very evil to him if he wasn't careful.   
  
"Let's haul ass."  
  
Vegeta hefted the hefty Yajirobe over his shoulder and took off like a bullet up towards the castle atop Mount Fry-Pan, 18 and Trunks close behind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did ya like it? Let me know what your thoughts/opinions are! 


	24. Ex Boyfriend

A/N: Hey hey! Here we go with another chapter! Please review... please! Hope ya like this one!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz.  
  
~*~  
  
"What the..."  
  
Piccolo groggily opened his eyes, and to his horror, found himself flying in the arms of that crazy black-haired android.  
  
"Oh shit."  
  
"You're awake!! Goodie! I'll have my shoot out... it's too bad you're not in your sheriff uniform, but you can't have your cake and eat it too."  
  
"What's the point of having a freakin' cake if you're not going to eat it?"  
  
"IT'S AN EXPRESSION!"  
  
"You seem to like expressing things... such as your attraction for Goku, per say."  
  
"I'M NOT GAY!!"  
  
"Right."  
  
"I'M NOT!!"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Little did those two know, that on the OTHER side of Mount Fry-Pan (where they were flying upwards, by the way), Goku's enemies could here them. Faintly, but they could still hear them somewhat.  
  
"That sounded a lot like my brother..." mused the fortune teller, stopping mid-air with her boy toy Trunks curled up in her arms, going into withdrawal.  
  
"Elmers... I neeeeed you... Elmers..."  
  
"We're sticking him in rehab once I get the bounty." said Yajirobe, who was fast becoming a little more than anxious about Trunks' crazy rambling.  
  
"Let's just get up there, stop wasting time you idiots!!"  
  
Vegeta rocketed upwards, the gravity pulling on his masculine features, which would have had Yajirobe laughing if his eyes weren't deep in his sockets and his mouth was pressed back so far he couldn't talk.  
  
The quartet finally landed on the top of the mountain. The silver castle loomed before them, so perfect, so majestic... and then a horrible noise was heard.  
  
"Hi Vegeta... it's been a while, hasn't it?"  
  
The saiyajin prince turned around to see none other than his ex-boyfriend Yamucha, who once was a fry cook on a joint by Vegetasei before it went out of business, dressed in drag.  
  
"Kami... what did you DO to yourself?"  
  
"I got pretty."  
  
Vegeta's eyes were wide with shock, Trunks was gnawing on 18's shirt, Yajirobe was relieved that he wasn't the only one wearing a dress, and 18 threw Trunks off of her and tried in vain to get the saiyajin drool out of her shirt.  
  
"Eew... Trunks, you messed up my shirt!"  
  
Yamucha strolled forward then ran quickly and grabbed Vegeta around the waist.  
  
"You've become quite the exhibitionist while I've been away."  
  
"You've become quite the ugly whore."  
  
Yamucha bitch-slapped the prince across the face, then sat down on a nearby rock because his heels were KILLING him.  
  
"You're just mad because I left you Vegeta, admit it. Oh, and where's your husband Krillin? You two used to be inseparable. I'll bet he found out what an ass you were and is sleeping with someone else right now."  
  
Vegeta's eyes went red with rage, and Yamucha knew he had made a BIG mistake. A powerful ki beam was formed, and Vegeta would have let it go, when suddenly...  
  
"Hey! There's an opening to the castle! It's shaped like Goku!"  
  
Everyone ran over to where Yajirobe was standing. The castle wall, indeed, had a hole the shape of the saiyajin bounty hunter.  
  
"Well then mumu man, what are we waiting for??!!" 18 ran past Yajirobe, knocking him through the wall as she did so. The others quickly followed, save Yamucha, who was getting really scared.  
  
"Oh no... I've let five people into the castle! FIVE!! One was bad enough..."  
  
"Hey lady!"  
  
Yamucha turned around to see a Namekian struggling in the arms of none other than 17.  
  
"Aren't you the lawyer that lost his own trial?"  
  
"SHUT UP! Stop laughing, you'll be doing my work soon."  
  
"Yeah, fulfilling your sick fantasy of Goku and I having a shoot out? Make sure you don't drool."  
  
"I'M NOT GAY!!"  
  
Yamucha snickered. "Right. Anyways, what do you want?"  
  
"We have to find Goku!" yelled 17, dropping Piccolo and shaking Yamucha profusely.  
  
"17 and Goku, sittin' in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!"  
  
Yamucha and Piccolo broke out into gales of laughter, whilst 17 placed his behind on the ground, only to realize he had just sat in something VERY wet. Getting up, he noticed to his relief it was only a pond, but it looked as though he had an accident on the back side of his pants... the water was a very murky brown.  
  
"My goodness!"  
  
Yamucha and Piccolo stopped laughing at the moment of 17's outburst, and gazed in the direction where he was pointing. This was, of course, the wall where Goku made his imprint.  
  
"LET'S GO!!"  
  
The psychotic android yanked Piccolo with him as he ran through the opening. Yamucha was ready to faint from fear.  
  
"Ox King is going to kill me..."  
  
~*~  
  
The very man who had made the entrance for everyone to get through was presently walking through the dark halls, lit with torches. There were many bats, but that didn't bother Goku. Bats weren't colourful. As long as they weren't toucans, he was fine.  
  
"HYAA!"  
  
The confused saiyajin bounty hunter turned around only to be pinned to the wall by two spears, one holding his shirt close to his neck... and the other holding his pants close to his...  
  
"Hey, that's my danger zone!"  
  
"That's the point."  
  
From the shadows emerged a relatively average-sized woman, with black hair reaching her waist and a long, intricate purple dress with unicorns on it. In her hair was a violet tiara that had trails cascading down her hair. She wore a determined expression on her face, and wielded a frying pan in her hand. There was no doubt... this was...  
  
THE FRY-PAN-PRINCESS... that Goku had to kidnap so he could receive the bounty and hopefully get a shot at sleeping with Bulma.  
  
"So, who are you?" said the woman, dropping her pan and placing her hands on either side of Goku's perfectly toned, muscular chest, which she noticed RIGHT AWAY.  
  
"Goku."  
  
"I see... what an interesting belt you have there..."  
  
She reached out to touch Goku's tail, and he whipped it away from her, almost hitting her in the face.  
  
"What the hell? You have a tail?"  
  
"Yeah, I do. I'm not human."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"You know what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That turns me on."  
  
Goku blinked in surprise as the woman placed a mind blowing kiss on his lips, and he was only too happy to comply, because hey, she was pretty good looking as far as women went. It was over too soon, and all the panting saiyajin could do was ask for her name.  
  
"ChiChi. Do you like lasagna?"  
  
Goku started to drool, and would have wiped it off with the back of his hand in embarrassment, but he was still attached to the wall.  
  
"Come with me, I'll let you live, but you might want to watch out for my father... he doesn't like it when men visit me."  
  
"Sure... but can you get me down?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
ChiChi took out the top spear, and then the bottom one, taking longer than needed on the latter, making Goku feel VERY uncomfortable. The two then walked through corridors to get to ChiChi's kitchen.  
  
~*~  
  
"Checkmate!!" Krillin managed to strain out as he hefted the large knight into place.  
  
"Oh shucks," said Jeice, who was Chiaozu's royal advisor. "you beat me. We'll have to do this again sometime, I'll be the winner!"  
  
"I would, but you see, I probably won't be coming back here. I'm off to apologize to my sexy husband!"  
  
"Shouldn't you get some clothes on first?"  
  
"...oops."  
  
Krillin turned bright red, dashed into the palace, grabbed his thong, put it on, and flew out a window towards Mount-Fry-Pan.  
  
~*~  
  
Like it? Hate it? Leave it in a review please! 


	25. Uh Oh

A/N: Yah, it's been a little bit, but eh, oh well. Here's the next chapter, hope you all like, thanks for the reviews.  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~  
  
Hercule Sataan had finally made it out of the jungle, and was now clambering his egotistical behind up Mount-Fry-Pan... well, maybe not clambering, more like inching.  
  
"I... will avenge... you... Janey." he wheezed, stopping for the millionth time for a rest. To his horror, the branch he was holding onto gave way with a resounding SNAP!  
  
"Noooo!!!"  
  
Hercule found himself splat on the ground for two seconds before he lost consciousness.  
  
~*~  
  
"So, I take it you like it."  
  
"Oh baby yes."  
  
"You want some more?"  
  
"Lay it on me, you know I want it."  
  
"How's THIS."  
  
"Tasty."  
  
Goku scarfed down the SEVENTH batch of lasagna that ChiChi had cooked in mere seconds, then ran around like a chimp on crack, screaming in pain.  
  
"WATER! I NEED WATER!!"  
  
"Yeah, I figured I'd try putting a little extra cayenne pepper in this batch... you like?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!! WATER!"  
  
ChiChi opened a rather archaic refrigerator and handed Goku a Brita container. The poor saiyajin gulped down the liquid like it was holy water. In fact, it WAS holy water, it had been blessed by a priest living somewhere remote in Quebec, but Goku didn't know the wiser.  
  
"Oops..."  
  
"What do you mean, oops?" asked Goku of ChiChi, definitely becoming a little scared by her tone of voice.  
  
"Um, that's my daddy's... holy water."  
  
"Holy water?"  
  
"It was blessed by a Quebeckian priest!"  
  
"Quebeckian??"  
  
"Don't ask. Just make sure my father doesn't-"  
  
"THERE THEY ARE!!"  
  
The foxy young woman and the muscle bound bounty hunter turned to see what looked like a modern, hip fortune teller, a male porn star, an overweight... man or woman, they couldn't tell, and a psychotic punk kid in spandex.  
  
"Do you guys have any glue?"  
  
"Shut up Trunks! Kami, this glue obsession is pissing me off!" 18 smacked her man-whore over the head with her crystal ball, while his father hung his head in shame.  
  
"I can't believe my genes are in that thing. There's just no way, unless..." Vegeta's face paled as he remembered the night with that woman once more. "How likely is THAT to happen? Just because Trunks predicted it doesn't mean... oh shit."  
  
Yajirobe laid his eyes on the lasagna pan where a wonderful meal once laid, and he burst into tears. "What a wonderful lasagna... that I can't eat! All this work to get here, AND THE LASAGNA IS GONE!!!"  
  
"I can make more, you know."  
  
"Really?" Yajirobe's eyes lit up like a star, and 18 just shook her head.  
  
"Do you know any spells that would enable me to cover up?"  
  
ChiChi took a lingering glance at Vegeta's thong-clad state and started drooling.  
  
"Helloooo? Anyone home?" the saiyajin prince waved his hand in front of the princess' face, but she was just focussed on his... lower area.  
  
"Well, we have to get going." said Yajirobe, quickly (very quickly for his weight, I might add) hoisting the fry-pan-princess over his shoulder and scurrying out of the room.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN YOU OVERGROWN PIGEON!!"  
  
"Man, I didn't even THINK of that one. Very creative." mused 18, running after the fat bounty hunter, Trunks in tow.  
  
All of a sudden, 17 and Piccolo came around the corner and collided with the runaways, giving Vegeta and Goku time to catch up.  
  
"It's my brother!"  
  
"Well, if it isn't my fortune-telling dumbass sister."  
  
"Dammit, how come YOU got to be the lawyer?"  
  
The two growled at each other, and Piccolo wisely decided to try and sneak away while the black haired cyborg was distracted. That, however, didn't work as well as he thought it would.  
  
"Ah, ah, ah! You're not going anywhere, my pretty!"  
  
Goku's face paled in realization. "You're that damn android who strapped me into that accursed pink van!"  
  
"That's right! And now, I'm going to make you and the Namek have a shoot out!"  
  
"To fulfill his ever-growing sexual desire to see us fight." quipped Piccolo.  
  
"I'M NOT GAY!!!"  
  
A resounding, "Riiiiiiiiiight." echoed off the walls from just about everyone who was standing there.  
  
"Yep, my brother's gay all right. Gay as gay can be, and not the 'oh my god those two men look so hot' gay like Krillin and Vegeta, but the 'that's so damn gross get it away from me!' gay like Freeza and Cell."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Come ON 17, you can't deny it. I freakin' WALKED IN on you feasting on Captain Ginyu's... how shall I put this... tootsie roll?"  
  
"Captain Ginyu?" yelled Vegeta. "Dear Kami, if you're going to be a homosexual, do it right!"  
  
"You would know, eh?"  
  
"Damn right, prissy lawyer boy! I'm gay and I'm proud, and if ANYONE so much as titters, I'll blast their damn head off!!"  
  
Piccolo was desperately trying not to titter at this moment, as was ChiChi. That word just made everyone need to hold back their giggles. I mean, honestly... Vegeta saying 'titter'? It was just too much, and the entire group burst out into insane laughter.  
  
Vegeta was powering up a rather large, red blast when a melodious voice he never thought he'd hear again called out to him from another hallway.  
  
"Vegeta?"  
  
"Baldy?"  
  
Suddenly, Krillin came into view, his shortness emphasized by the extremely tall ceilings of the castle.  
  
"Vegeta!"  
  
"Baldy!!"  
  
The two ran forward and clutched each other like long-lost lovers, which, technically, they were, but only by a few days. This soon followed by a rabid make-out session which left 18 drooling, ChiChi demanding to see, and everyone else just plain disgusted... well, except for 17, who STILL wouldn't admit that he was gay.  
  
"Yeah, you like that, eh bro?"  
  
"I'M NOT A QUEER!"  
  
"Right. Anyways, like dude, why are the ceilings so high."  
  
"Because my father's really tall you nincompoop, now LET ME DOWN!!"  
  
"Sorry, no can do. Let's haul ass everyone."  
  
"I have a better idea, free Willy."  
  
"What's that?" asked Yajirobe, spinning around and knocking ChiChi's head against the wall by accident, rendering her unconscious. "That was convenient."  
  
"We can teleport back to the ship."  
  
"How?"  
  
"My psychic power."  
  
Vegeta snickered rather loudly.  
  
"You don't believe? You don't trust my magical abilities?"  
  
"Whatever. Let's just go."  
  
The blond android raised her hands in the air and closed her eyes, then began her monotone hum once again, sounding very eerie, creeping just about everyone out. Small lines of iridescent orange started to form around the people she wished to teleport, and it would have worked, if it weren't for...  
  
OX KING!  
  
...who rather rudely yelled at the top of his lungs, breaking the young woman's concentration.  
  
"YOU THERE! WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?"  
  
Yajirobe could not answer, as he was far too busy peeing in his mumu. This went unnoticed by everyone else, as they were either terrified by Ox King, or were poking fun of 17's ass stain.  
  
"I FELL IN A BROWN PUDDLE!!"  
  
"Right. Just like you're not gay."  
  
"Shut up you stupid saiyajin!!"  
  
Goku simply smirked, then remembered that Ox King was there, and this man was NOT to be taken lightly.  
  
~*~  
  
Ooh! What happens next? Will Hercule EVER make it to the top of Mount Fry-Pan? What will Ox King do to the trespassers on his property? What about those back in space? Tune in next time, and please let me know what you think of this. Have a great day! 


	26. I'll Never Let Go Jack!

A/N: Hey howdy hey! Thanks for the reviews, onward we trek!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz.  
  
~*~  
  
"YOU! THE FAT ONE! YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?"  
  
Yajirobe quivered, whimpered and sobbed, unable to say anything while he stared into the face of terror.  
  
"ANSWER ME, YOU LARD FACTORY!!"  
  
"He's simply taking her for her annual massage..." said 18, obviously lying through her teeth, but using a small hypnotic spell to get Ox King to hopefully agree with her.  
  
"I DON'T REMEMBER MAKING APPOINTMENTS FOR MY CHICHI TO HAVE AN ANNUAL MASSAGE."  
  
"Yes, you did, on the twelfth of November." drawled 18, pouring as much charm as she could into her voice, making 17 gag.  
  
"THE TWELFTH OF NOVEMBER... I REMEMBER NOW... I SIGNED HER UP SO SHE COULD BE MORE RELAXED. ONE OF THESE DAYS SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO GET MARRIED, BUT SHE INSISTS THAT IT BE SO SOON! SHE'S ONLY NINETEEN! THAT'S MUCH TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED."  
  
17 gulps, suddenly remembering a time when he got drunk and was wearing a wedding dress. This happened when he was around... twelve... or so. "I hope I don't owe anyone child support..."  
  
No one was paying any attention to him though. ChiChi was just waking up...  
  
"Hmmmerrrgh? There you are!"  
  
ChiChi kicked Yajirobe in the groin and threw herself into Goku's arms, trying to grope him but failing as Goku wasn't good at catching people...  
  
"You let me land on the floor!"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
ChiChi stood up, hastily hefted Goku up with one hand and started walking away.  
  
"DAUGHTER! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"  
  
"Dad, I'm nineteen now! By law, you have NO RIGHT to keep me here OR have ANY control over my life whatsoever. I'm going to marry Goku, whether he likes it or not!"  
  
"Oh, he'll like it." said Trunks, seeing Goku's huge smile splayed across his facial features.  
  
"I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOU MUST LISTEN TO ME! THERE'S NO SUCH LAW AS WHAT YOU SAY!"  
  
"Well Dad, how about you ask the green-skinned guy there? He looks like a cop, he'd know."  
  
"ALL RIGHT THEN, I WILL. BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL I KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE LAW SAYS YOU CAN. SO, GREEN-SKINNED MAN... OR ELF... WHATEVER! TELL ME THE LAW!"  
  
"All people over 18 years of age must provide for themselves, and they also have every freedom and right as an adult. No one can hold them in one place, unless they can prove that they can't take care of themselves."  
  
"I sure as hell can take care of myself! The problem is that my Daddy can't take care of HIMself! I have to do the freakin' work! I hate it!"  
  
ChiChi sped out the door, dragging Goku behind her.  
  
"Hey, watch the gi, it was expensive!"  
  
"Dude, I gotta get that fry-pan-princess!" Yajirobe huffed and puffed as he moved his flabby legs forward... exercise was the enemy here. 18 followed behind him, Trunks in tow, Vegeta and Krillin not far behind.   
  
"Kidnapping is against the law! You're resisting arrest!" cried Piccolo to Yajirobe's retreating form. He ran through the halls after him, his blue cop's uniform fluttering in the wind he created. 17 was close behind, STILL obsessed with the idea of a shoot-out.  
  
"Must... have... shoot... out..."  
  
~*~*~  
  
"All right you stupid mountain, I'm gonna climb you! You may think you have won, but no, you have not, for I'M THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!!" Hercule once again began his slow climb up Mount-Fry-Pan. On his way up, he saw a rather hairy-looking feminine creature fly down past him.  
  
"I'll never let go, Jack!"  
  
"Okay..." Hercule was puzzled by the hairy woman's behaviour, but assumed it was suicide, didn't care and kept climbing.  
  
~*~  
  
Back at the palace of THE ALL- POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM, things were starting to look rather grim. Not only for the empress herself, but for everyone who had to put up with her mood swings. You see, due to the fluxes in the time when travelling through space, and the fact that saiyajin babies develop abnormally fast... Bulma was about... 7 months pregnant, and without sufficient food to satisfy her cravings, she was going insane.  
  
"RADDITZ!!!"  
  
Radditz scurried in, not wanting to upset the maddened sovereign any more than she already was.  
  
"Yes, your evilness?"  
  
"Why are you wearing PURPLE??"  
  
Radditz looked down at his lavender modrobes pants and his skin-tight purple tube top with fuchia sparkles. "Because you asked me to wear it."  
  
"NO I DIDN'T!!" screamed Bulma, the castle shaking as she spoke.  
  
"Of course not. I'll get changed right away." Radditz high-tailed it out of there, relieved that he hadn't listened to her when she asked him to spray paint his tail purple as well.  
  
"I'm going nuckin' futs!! DABURA!!!"  
  
"Erm... yes, my lovely?"  
  
"I'm not your lovely, I'm not your lover, you are nothing more than a sex slave, do you understand? I own ALL your planets, armies, everything. Now, cook me something, I'm starving!"  
  
"I... can't cook."  
  
Bulma's eye twitched, and foam started to appear on the side of her mouth, causing the poor Demon King to tremble in fear.  
  
"What do you MEAN you. can't. cook?"  
  
"Well, er..."  
  
"You useless turd!!"  
  
Bulma yanked on a random cord that activated a trap door which was right under where the red-skinned demon stood (BIG surprise there).   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaah..."   
  
As Dabura's voice slowly faded away, Bulma felt rather content, until she felt the baby kick.  
  
"Shit... what if Dabura's the father? Aaaaaagh!"  
  
Bulma started to pull out her hair, then decided to go blow up a planet for her own sadistic amusement.  
  
~*~  
  
"So, where should we go for our honeymoon?" asked ChiChi as she exited the castle, saiyajin bounty hunter in tow."  
  
Goku, seeing this as a brilliant opportunity to trick the earthling into going to Bulma's planet, decided to go along. "There's this really beautiful place called Pantieland."  
  
"Pantieland? Where on earth is that?"  
  
"It's not on earth, it's on the planet Thong."  
  
"The planet THONG? Oh, that's right, you're an alien... I almost forgot that for a second. But still... THONG? Who in their right mind would name a planet after a type of underwear?"  
  
"You'd be surprised. Can you put me down? I need to get to my pockets so I can get our ship over here."  
  
"You've got a SPACESHIP?"  
  
"...how do you THINK I got here?"  
  
"Geez, no need to be rude or anything. I suddenly have an incredible urge to kiss you. May I?"  
  
"Be my guest."  
  
ChiChi let Goku down and the two embraced, then threw themselves into a maddening, passionate kiss where their mouths did things that wouldn't have been possible unless Goku was a saiyajin. Yes, there were definitely some advantages to being Saiyajin.  
  
"There they are!"  
  
The muscular saiyajin pulled away from the fry-pan-princess to see Yajirobe, 18, Trunks, Vegeta, Krillin, Officer Piccolo and a drooling 17 not far behind him.  
  
"ChiChi, hang onto me. We're going to fly down the mountain."  
  
"Are you CRAZY?"  
  
"I'm an alien, I can fly!"  
  
"Prove it."  
  
"Just trust me!"  
  
"PROVE IT!!!" she screamed, temporarily deafening everyone.  
  
"Okay, okay!" Goku flew around for a few seconds, then grabbed ChiChi and flew down the hill SO FAST that he knocked Hercule off the mountain with his ki.  
  
"I WILL AVENGE YOU JANEEEEEEeeeeeeyyyy..."  
  
~*~  
  
Let me know what you think, and go read my other stories too! 


	27. She'll Be Comin' Down The Mountain

A/N: Hello everybody, hope your day is going all right. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you guys are awesome!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~  
  
Goku sped down the mountain like a lightning bolt, landing harshly on Yamucha's corpse. He then took out the remote control for his ship and pressed a great big green button shaped like a pear.  
  
"Why's it shaped like that?" asked ChiChi.  
  
"No idea, it's not like I designed it."  
  
As the blood gi-clad man waited impatiently for his D-43 Omega to high-tail it over to where he was, Vegeta, Trunks, 18, Yajirobe, Krillin, Piccolo and 17 were speeding down the mountain. Hercule, who was miraculously still alive, started to sing.  
  
"She'll be comin' down the mountain when she comes, YEE-HAW! She'll be comin' down the mountain when she coooooooomes. She'll be comin' down the mountain, she'll be comin' down the mountain, she'll be comin' down the mountain when she comes, YEE-HAW!"  
  
"Shut up!!" screeched ChiChi, running over and thwacking Mr. Sataan with her frying pan. Goku noticed this and everything went slow motion.  
  
"Nnnnnoooooo!!!" said Goku, his voice suddenly much deeper. Due to the slow motion, his limbs moved agonizingly slowly as he ran... sort of... forward, seeing Yajirobe ever so sloth-like knocking the Fry-pan princess unconscious, then stuffing her in a bag with some airholes. The rotund man's face changed into a grin, slowly though, so it looked even scarier.  
  
"Mwaaaaa.... haaaa.... haaaa!" said Yajirobe, his voice thick as molasses. Then, time became normal again and 18 swiped the remote control from Goku's hands.  
  
"Guess what everybody? Goku just gave us a ship!" she yelled, smirking as the D-43 Omega touched down on the stone ground.  
  
The doors opened and 18, Yajirobe, the unconscious ChiChi, the scantily-clad couple (Vegeta and Krillin, for our readers whose wheels are spinning but their hamsters are dead.) and Trunks clambered aboard, shutting the doors quickly on a stunned Goku, a frantic Piccolo and a crazy 17. A loud whoosh was heard, and the ship rocketed off into the vastness of space.  
  
"Dammit, they took my ship!!"  
  
"I can have my shoot-out now! Mwuhahaha! Mwuhahaha!"  
  
"No, you can't."  
  
"Oh yeah Mr. Copper? Who's gonna stop me?"  
  
"It's not a question of who's going to stop you, it's the simple fact that we don't have guns."  
  
17's face suddenly went stark white.  
  
"We... don't have... guns?"  
  
Goku and Piccolo shook their heads emphatically. The ebony-haired android burst into a screaming fit of rage, which gradually died down to him becoming a sobbing, whimpering mess. Goku high-tailed it out of there, Piccolo following him, 17 following behind them. Why? Well, he figured he'd find a gun SOMEWHERE.  
  
"Where the hell are we going?"  
  
"I don't know where YOU'RE going, but I'm following my nose."  
  
"What good will that do?"  
  
"I can smell tisurius nofariter. That kind of stuff doesn't exist on Earth."  
  
"Meaning..."  
  
"It's the spaceship his sister came in with the other idiots, and it still works!"  
  
"You are a genius."  
  
"For the moment, anyways."  
  
The two flew on for a little longer, still being tracked closely by the android.  
  
"Why are you still following me?" asked Goku of Piccolo.  
  
"I'm escaping with you."  
  
"Oh no you're not. If we separate, he'll never get his way."  
  
"Why should _I_ stay here? YOU should be the one to stay."  
  
"You LIVE here, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah... but I don't want to be stuck with that freak! Have mercy on me!"  
  
"You won't be able to be a cop anymore..."  
  
"True... but I'll be able to visit my Dad!"  
  
"I'm not stopping at Namek."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I have to catch up to the nitwits on the other ship and steal the Fry-pan-princess from them!"  
  
"That's illegal."  
  
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" Goku, breathing heavily, turned around and saw the horrible sight of a foaming 17 behind him. In his rapidly beating heart, there abruptly came a bout of pity for the Namek the android was chasing. "Well... I guess you can come with me."  
  
"Thank heavens."  
  
~*~  
  
"Whoohoo! That cash is in the bag, yes siree!" Yajirobe danced around the D-43 Omega in his mumu, causing Trunks to shudder visibly.  
  
"Sir Rolls-a-Lot! Stop shaking your booty! You're going to cause turbulence!" yelled 18, who had just finished putting Trunks' long hair into a ridiculously tall beehive.   
  
Vegeta and Krillin were catching up on things in a nearby room, and for once 18 wasn't trying to listen to them, watch them or anything. It seemed she was no longer quite the pervert. Then again, with Trunks' pretty purple hair... what ELSE would a girl want to do besides play with it?  
  
Yajirobe went over to a panel that suspiciously looked like a food producer 5000, and to his extreme delight, it was! He rapidly punched in for a buffet to be spread out before him, and in no time the porky bounty hunter was munching away at a humongous turkey, a large salad with mandarin oranges and a big vat of apple cider to wash it all down.  
  
~*~  
  
In a glorious, magnificent palace back on Earth, all the servants were trembling. Chiaozu was chain smoking again, and that was never a good sign.  
  
"Y-your highness?"  
  
"Silence you infidel! Jeice, you IDIOT!! You let him get away! That glorious shrimp of a man... and you LET HIM GET AWAY!"  
  
"My greatest apologies sire... but you never ordered us to keep him here."  
  
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
Jeice was sentenced to a hanging that very moment.  
  
~*~  
  
Bulma's face was contorted into a sadistic looking grin, she had just blown up five planets and was feeling MUCH better now. It was just too bad she had to go get Dabura... what if the kid was his?  
  
"Stupid demon... might've got me impregnated, and if he did I can't kill him... dammit! Radditz!!"  
  
Radditz came in, this time wearing normal saiyajin armour and in the process of combing his long, spiky hair.  
  
"Yes, your vileness?"  
  
"What the hell are you wearing?" she spat.  
  
"S-saiyajin armour, my dear ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"...b-because you d-din't want-t m-me wearing p-purple your eviln-ness." stuttered a terrified Radditz.  
  
"I NEVER SAID THAT!"  
  
"B-but..."  
  
"Stop snivelling and get into something purple!!"  
  
"Of course, your dastardliness."  
  
Radditz slunk away, head down, muttering how he was going to kill the idiot that got the empress pregnant.  
  
~*~  
  
Goku and Piccolo were relaxing on the ship's bridge, sipping Bloody Marys and chatting away amicably like most good-natured men do when they're drunk. What they didn't know, however, was that their most feared enemy was hiding in the cargo bay, rocking back and forth, talking to himself.  
  
"Soon, soon my time will come... I'll have my shoot out, you'll see. Piccolo... Goku... you can't escape me. Mwuhahahahaha!!"  
  
~*~  
  
Oh no! 17's on the ship! Bulma's getting bitchier! Yajirobe's getting fatter! What is everyone else going to do? Well, you'll have to read the next chapter! Please leave a review, I'd really like it. 


	28. The Rebels Strike Back!

A/N: Hi everybody! Thanks for all the reviews I've received, you guys are the greatest.  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~  
  
On planet Frieza, a huge rebellion was being planned. Frieza, Videl, Tien and Cell were stocking up on ammunition and giving motivational speeches to the large army they had acquired.  
  
"Remember, the Empress is evil! Pure evil! No matter what she may say or do, you must not trust her!" yelled Frieza.  
  
A resounding "YEAH!" echoed throughout the large ice cavern. Apparently, there were a lot more good people in the universe than originally thought. Frieza turned and walked away from his army to go and chat about attack plans with Videl.  
  
"Is everything ready?"  
  
"Yep," said Videl, who had just hiked her HUGE fluorescent yellow dress up so she wouldn't trip while kicking evil's rear. "I just had it confirmed by Radditz. Now is the time to strike! The ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM is pregnant, and knows not by who. Her mental state is no longer within the reaches of..." Videl paused to do the little quote sign with her fingers. "'sane'."  
  
"Excellent work, my minion. Cell darling!"  
  
Cell bounded in gaily, a huge smile plastered on his face. He had abandoned his flower wreath and control top panty hose for the very same army dress that 'Posh' spice had worn in that unbelievably STUPID movie 'SpiceWorld'.  
  
"Yes Frieza? Oh, thank you SO much for the dress, it doesn't even cut into my wings or anything! I feel so moblile!" Cell enveloped Frieza into a tender embrace. Videl gagged, and Tien was nowhere to be found, most likely painting his nails someplace.  
  
"Right then." Frieza went back outside with the other two present and addressed the crowd once more. "MEMBERS OF THE NEW REBELLION!! WE ATTACK THE PLANET THONG AND ITS MOST VILE EMPRESS..." Frieza paused for effect; the silence among the ranks was deafening. "NOW!!!!"  
  
A huge battle roar erupted from the ice cave, and hordes of fighters climbed into their ships to go attack the dreaded planet Thong.  
  
~*~  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
Five minutes passed.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
One minute passed.  
  
"Are we THERE yet?"  
  
"NO."  
  
Thirty seconds passed.  
  
"ARE we THERE yet?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Two seconds passed.  
  
"ARE WE THERE YET?"  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI NO!!! NO, NO AND NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET!!!" screamed the distraught saiyajin prince at his rather annoying future son.  
  
"Geez, I was just asking. Don't have a cow."  
  
"NO! It's an earthling expression!" Vegeta ran from the bridge into another room, leaving everyone rather confused.  
  
Yajirobe had become MUCH fatter, and his mumu was getting a little small.  
  
"Hey Trunks..."  
  
"Yeah 18?"  
  
"Do you still have any little powers left, you know, so we can get Yajirobe something that fits him? Those man boobs of his keep getting bigger each time he eats something. It's rather scary."  
  
"I wish I could... but I don't have any left."  
  
"What?" said 18, dangerously calm. Trunks skittered a few feet away and started to hyperventilate.  
  
"It'sallyourfaultyou'retheonewhowishedthatIwasnormalandnotagenie!"  
  
18 huffed, took her anger out on Krillin's ass and locked herself into a room.  
  
"Ow... my ass hurts..." whined Krillin, who was most likely going to have a permanent bruise. The fry-pan-princess was still in the burlap bag, still unconscious, which was a relief to anyone who wanted to keep their eardrums.  
  
~*~  
  
"So then I was like, wooaaah, and then she stuffs the pina colada in the container and goes swwwisshhhh..." Piccolo giggled and took another sip of his Bloody Mary.  
  
"Hehe, rock on... there's dis one time, when, when.... I dunno anymore. Haaaaave you ever triiiied blue cheese, P-Piccolo?"  
  
"It's... it's the beee's knees though, eh? IIIIIOOOOOOOO!!"  
  
"Gyahahaha! What'cha doooin, Friar Tuck?"  
  
"I ain't no fire truck!"  
  
The two drunken men roared with laughter, and did not notice 17 behind a crate of beer, watching their every move.  
  
"Soon my pretties... soon."  
  
~*~  
  
Bulma paced back and forth, back and forth. Dabura was in a cage, hoping desperately that the baby was his so he could live another day. You see, Bulma's doctor/father was evaluating the paternity test, and Bulma was very anxious for the results.  
  
"Don't get your hopes up Dabura."  
  
She was constantly reminding the demon king the fate he was most likely to receive (like she just did), when all of a sudden...  
  
"ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM! YO, I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN MY TASK OF BRINGING YOU YOUR COOK, DUDE!!"  
  
Bulma turned her head to where the deep voice was coming from, and sure enough, there was Yajirobe, standing there with a man clad in spandex with a beehive (Trunks for our intellectually deficient readers), a blond haired woman with a slightly sadistic gleam in her eye (18), a burlap bag with a bunch of holes in it (ChiChi), a short bald man in a thong (Krillin), and Prince Vegeta.  
  
"Mightily fat bounty hunter!" yelled the empress. "I don't see my cook!"  
  
"One second." Yajirobe opened the burlap bag to reveal none other than...  
  
"The Fry-Pan-Princess! Excellent work, you tub of lard. Radditz!! Get in here!"  
  
Radditz came in, wearing a big coat that had dyed purple fur over a set of what looked like warm lavender long underwear.  
  
"Radditz... what in hell's name are you wearing?"  
  
"A jacket over long underwear, your dastardliness."  
  
"I can see that you numbskull! I ask you though, what COLOUR is it."  
  
Radditz's eyes closed and a veins seemed to pop out of his head. He then lifted his hands up to sky and screamed. "ATTAAAAAACK!!"  
  
A few crickets chirped, nothing more.  
  
"Damn that Frieza, he's always late!"  
  
"You traitor!" screamed Bulma. With a snap of her finger, a nameless henchman put Radditz in the same cage as Dabura. "Anyways, well done, bounty hunter. You shall now have the treasure!!"  
  
Bulma pulled back the curtain, expecting to see the vast hoard of expensive things, but all she saw were a pair of beady red eyes in the darkness.  
  
"What in the universe...?"  
  
"Go, my minions! FLY AND DESTROY!!" Frieza and his army poured from all the corners of the palace, and they fought with the army of nameless henchman that Bulma had at her disposal.  
  
"Damn those rebels!! How did they get so strong??" Bulma screamed and jumped up and down on her throne, yelling obscenities constantly.  
  
"Holy pms." commented Vegeta, rather loudly.  
  
"It's not pms, she's pregnant!" Dabura managed to scream.  
  
"WHAT???!!" Vegeta's and Trunks' outburst went unnoticed, and so did the arrival of Dr. Briefs.  
  
"I have the paternity test results!"  
  
Well, THAT didn't go unnoticed. The entire palace hushed as Dr. Briefs slowly took the piece of blue paper out of the manila envelope.  
  
"Am I gonna be a... a daaaady?" Everyone turned around to see a drunken Piccolo and Goku swaying baaack and forrrth as they tried to stand up straight.  
  
"No waaaay Pi-Pi-Piccolo-lo-lo, youuuu can't be a daddy, you can't even have SEX!"  
  
"Suure I can... woah... pretty purple..."  
  
"Stop looking at my underwear!" cried Radditz, covering himself with his fur coat.  
  
~*~  
  
What happens next? Where did 17 go? Will this ever end? (Yeah, I think next chapter will be the last *tear*). Hope you liked it, leave a review please! 


	29. Who's Your Daddy?

A/N: This the last chapter! Thanks for all the reviews!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
~*~  
  
"Your underwear is long, why should you care?" asked 18 matter-of-factly. Radditz didn't have an answer so he sat at the bottom of his cage and sulked. Suddenly, a blur of colour entered the room, laughing maniacally.   
  
"SHOOT-OUT!!!"  
  
"Oh (hic) no...we don need thish..." said Goku, clinging onto Piccolo's antennae for support.  
  
"Hey you! Get your dirty saiyajin hands off my son's antennae!!" The crowd stared in shock as Piccolo Daimou walked in, a nameless slut on each fur-covered arm that he held out.  
  
"Faaaaather?" asked Piccolo.  
  
"You're drunk! You're not a sissy do-gooder anymore! I'm so proud!" Daimou went and gave Piccolo a hug, which resulted in the younger Namek getting groped by the nameless whores as well.  
  
"Daaaaaaaaaaaad... I wanna...I wanna go...to YOUR CLUB!!" Piccolo finished, yelling drunkenly.  
  
"That's my boy!" Daimou instructed one of the nameless whores to pick up his son and carry him out to their awaiting ship. Soon, the Namekians were gone, and 17 was in tears.  
  
"No...it's not possible..." the raven-haired android sniffled. He then bawled loudly while clinging onto 18's jeans.  
  
"Bro...get off. These cost a lot and I don't need your damn tear stains on them."  
  
"My shoot-out...it'll never happen."  
  
"Your brother's crazy, man."  
  
"Gee, whatever prompted you to observe that, lardass?" 18 spat to Yajirobe.   
  
"DOES ANYONE STILL CARE ABOUT THE PATERNITY TEST RESULTS?" yelled Dr. Briefs. The palace hall became silent once more the lavender-haired man cleared his throat and began to read off the blue piece of paper. "The father is..." The doctor paused, delighting in how everyone was holding in their breath, except for Trunks, who was glaring at Vegeta like he had just come from the depths of hell.  
  
"What? You don't think it's me, do you?" he whispered incredulously.  
  
"Actually, Prince Vegeta...you ARE the father."  
  
Everyone's mouth dropped to the ground, save Trunks', for he was chasing Vegeta around the throne room screaming saiyajin obscenities not suitable for ANYONE's ears.  
  
"I didn't know it was her! Android! Call your boyfriend off and GET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMN THONG ALREADY!!"  
  
"Hmmm...I didn't hear the magic words."  
  
"What the hell?" yelled Vegeta, ducking to his right to avoid the large man-eating plant that his future son had thrown at him. "I don't need your fortune-teller mumbo-jumbo right now! Get him off!"  
  
"I can't believe you did that, you fu-"  
  
"Language, and don't you DARE speak to MY husband like that!" yelled Krillin.  
  
"Oh yeah? Bring it on, small fry!"  
  
"It's already been BRUNG!!"  
  
This, of course, resulted in sheer pandemonium, with Trunks and Krillin in a catfight, 18 trying to shake 17 off her leg, and Bulma trying to remember which button would turn on the napalms inside Dabura's cage. Of course, her concentration was distracted when Frieza leaped onto her throne.  
  
"DIE, BITCH!" the ugly effeminate man yelled, clawing at Bulma's face.  
  
"My face! No, don't touch my beautiful face."  
  
"It's not that beautiful." muttered Vegeta.  
  
"Oh yeah? You thought I was pretty hot when you were SCREWING ME!! Aaagh! Do you have any idea how much those nails cost me?!"  
  
THIS got Krillin's attention. He was so fuelled by his anger that Trunks was knocked unconscious.  
  
"Vegeta...you slept with her?"  
  
"You slept with that midget emperor!"  
  
"...I'm sorry!"  
  
"...and I'm screwed, because now I'm a father. If it's any consolation, you're much better in the sack."  
  
"Thanks love!"  
  
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT IN PUBLIC!"  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, ChiChi was now awake, and trying to figure out what the hell was going on...and more importantly, why she was in a burlap bag. So, being the loud, obnoxious, dangerous female that she was, ChiChi leapt out of the bag and yelled at the top of her lungs.  
  
"What the HELL is going on here and WHY was I stuffed in a burlap bag? Somebody better answer me, NOW!!"  
  
Once again, everyone hushed. After all, it wasn't every day you got to see the Fry-Pan Princess. Most of those gathered had thought she was just a legend. Now, of course, they knew different.  
  
Bulma shoved Frieza off the throne and explained to ChiChi why she was there and what exactly was going on. Once she had finished, Radditz and Dabura had snuck out of the cage and were trying to escape.  
  
"FREEZE! You're not going anywhere. BABADI!!!" Babadi appeared.  
  
"Yes, your poisonousness?"  
  
"I'd like you to include Dabura and Radditz on your cooking show! Mwuahahahaha!"  
  
"Nooooo!!" the two screamed as they were carried away by Babadi's magical powers.   
  
"You know what? Screw this shit, I'm not cooking for you!" screeched ChiChi. "I'm going off with MY Goku for a honeymoon!" True to her word, the earthling slung the drunken gi-clad saiyajin over her shoulder, exited the palace and took Goku's ship to a peaceful planet FAR AWAY from Thong.  
  
17 miraculously stopped crying and decided to go join the modelling industry along with Bardock, so he got up and left to find a Victoria's secret agent. His sister, bored out of her mind, picked up Trunks and left for Namek, so she could tell fortunes outside Unfeva night club. Bulma, being so evil, forgot that good ALWAYS triumphs, and ended up inside the cage that Dabura and Radditz once occupied. Vegeta and Krillin followed 18, determined to get their ability to wear non-revealing clothes back.  
  
~*~  
  
So then, Frieza became the meticulously good and clean overlord of the universe, with Videl as his chief advisor, Cell as his consort (Frieza thought calling people sex slaves was bad) and Tien as his cook. Tien turned out to be a very good cook, and Bulma was kicking herself for not hiring him earlier. Of course, she didn't get much time to eat, since she was the royal septic system cleaner. Dabura and Radditz were free to do whatever they pleased, so Radditz went to join the Victoria's secret modelling, and was reunited with his father. Dabura killed himself in his grief because Bulma didn't love him, and no one really cared.   
  
A few months past, and Bulma gave birth to her son, not without substantial screaming and bitching during labour of course. At Bulma's request, Frieza asked Vegeta to be there during the labour, since he WAS the father and all. After Krillin whined for a while about how it was his responsibility, Vegeta DID come, but refused to go near the former empress while she was in labour. This was for a good reason, since she snapped Buu's hand while he held hers. It was previously deemed impossible that Buu had any bones...but Bulma proved otherwise.  
  
Also at the birth were 18 and Trunks, who had recently become engaged. Trunks was there to make sure he didn't grow up to be a lunatic like himself. Bulma named the baby, Vegeta bitched about how stupid the name was while Trunks glared at him, and 18 was still gloating over the huge-ass diamond ring she was sporting, since Trunks had a job as an assassin and it paid VERY well.  
  
Trunks grew up to be...well...Cell and Frieza raised him, we just won't go any further on THAT topic. Vegeta and Krillin grew old together, and were able to wear normal clothes again, as did ChiChi and Goku, only Goku got REALLY fat because of all that good cooking. Piccolo and his father ran the night club, Trunks and 18 got married AT the night club, and Yajirobe... Yajirobe, the star of our story... Yajirobe got a haircut, went on The Zone diet and got a job doing commercials for Subway.  
END!  
  
~*~  
  
Review please! 


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